Surveillance: Has it ever backfired?

Full disclosure: I have not experienced infidelity in my marriage, so bear in mind my comments below are coming from that POV. In most cases when a thread is started over here where a man/woman is asking "could my spouse be cheating on me?", "H/W has been talking with old friend of opposite sex: should I be worried?", and other threads like this - the conventional wisdom appears to be to "VAR the car, keylog the computer and sit back pretending that everything is alright. I think at times it makes sense to do some investigations, but don't you come to a point where laying back in the weeds too long actually results in some worse issues down the road when you later confront? We've read this a few time: Husband suspects wife is having an EA based on his observations of red flags, i.e cell bill, new passwords, etc... Husband goes into "clandestine ops" and begins his stake out. In most cases, it doesn't go right at the start (dead batteries in the VAR, wife didn't give any bad evidence up, etc...), so more time is needed. While gathering the proof can confirm some things, in the meantime the wife is given those crucial weeks - maybe longer than a month - to further cement the relationship. Heaven forbid that the affair goes physical while the husband is dong the surveillance. From where I stand, what the surveillance yields is more evidence overall, but it's a crapshoot if you ever get either all the evidence you need or the details you seek. Now there have been people who were able to get the motherload of data where they knew an awful lot about the affair(s). But what are the odds that a BS will get a good level of detail? Is the risk/reward worth it? I'm inclined to think no for most cases, because if you do spend the weeks/months collecting data, it's just as likely that all you will do is confirm some of the strong suspicions - or the truth - that you knew already but didn't have the "proof". And let's face it...it's really just the two of you that are interacting. This is not the same as trying to ferret out the truth of who did something when there are 3 or more people that may be suspects. To me, it seems like the less risky route is to confront as soon as possible. You have less time for the wife and her AP to deepen their bonds and in the end it's just the two of you. If you're seeing suspicious behavior at home, you know who is doing it, and I think the strong interrogation up front plus the tangible threats of walking away if you do not get the entire truth is the less risky approach to take.

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