SeaShellz's Journal

Vent alert. So I deleted my other thread because I really didn't want to reflect on it and because my thoughts are no longer on my failed marriage so I didn't see the point in coming on here much. However, the jerk finally responded to one of the emails I sent about helping out financially with the baby and venting on here is better than reacting to him. The response was what I expected, lots of venom spewing towards me and blameshifting. Saying I destroyed his life, it's my fault he doesn't have money and is working temp jobs, calling me a selfish hypocritical b*tch, saying he doesn't trust me with any money he may send because I'll just spend it on myself and destroy the baby's life like I did his but it's not his problem because that's what social services are for:rolleyes:. I don't think highly of him, but it's crazy what he's convinced himself is reality and that he can't see his own mistakes. He physically left me 2 weeks after I miscarried, then got me pregnant again before proceeding to move on to 2 other women (that I'm aware of) in the space of a month and a half and it's my fault I didn't want to stay in the same country and keep paying all the bills on my own when he was the only person I had there? Seriously? He's saying it's my fault he doesn't have money because he had to pay rent for the remainder of the lease (a whopping 3 months from when I left and everything else was shut off) yet he was buying Christmas presents for posOW? I know none of it is true and I shouldn't let it get to me, but to have the audacity to say I'm selfish and that I'm going to destroy my daughter's life seriously just makes me want to punch the guy. I know he's delusional and I don't have to defend myself, but it just ticks me off because he has no right to say how I'll be as a parent especially considering how he's been. I don't want to play the victim, but he's living with his well off parents who take care of everything. When I moved back here I had 2 suitcases to my name, left most of my stuff there, and I'm living with my mom who barely gets by on her own. Initially dealing with all the emotions of losing him (though I now see it as a blessing that he's gone), being pregnant alone and having my world turned upside down. Now a few months later when I'd love to be out there working, I'm struggling to find a job (even if I got an interview I doubt I'd get hired considering I'm showing and she's due in a little over 3 months) so I stupidly ask him for help to make sure she has stuff when she arrives and I'm selfish? Just seriousy what the heck? And once again in him responding he doesn't acknowledge the baby except with the whole mistrust and social services comment. He doesn't care how the pregnancy is going and still won't say how much he wants to be involved. He did say he "doesn't give any ****s" about legal actions I take so it'd be nice if I could use that as him agreeing to just not be in her life. He also called me an immature d*ck :scratchhead: when all I've been trying to do is keep things cordial and figure out how things will be when she's here. I don't know who this person is and it's obvious that I need to let go of the notion that it could ever even just be civil. I truly don't understand why all I get from him is anger with lots of name calling and why it's impossible to put whatever ill feelings he has about me behind him so her future can be discussed. The only response I want to give to that email is just asking him to sign away his rights. My daughter deserves so much better than him. Vent over.

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