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Maybe it's Hopeless?

I'm having a tough time right now. My anxiety and depression are being treated with as much medication that I can handle but I'm still not doing well.

My fear is that I'll never be a good wife because I don't understand or can tolerate family dynamics. My father is a cruel man and his presence continues to ruin my life. I could never trust my mother or my father because their behavior was always so sick and confusing to me. I've never learned how to love because I could never let my guard down. I'm always waiting to see who is going to hurt me and trying to figure out how to protect myself.

My husband was adopted and his parents fought with each-other daily but he always felt they were both there for him. Plus, he is appreciative that they adopted him. He knows how to love and how to trust.

I can't trust anyone - with good reasons. I am so open and honest with my husband about all of my feelings. My father is in the process of divorcing his third wife for the second time. (This is my mothers old friend who he cheated on my mother with.) Each time his marriages start to fail he tries to wangle himself back into my life. He's narcissistic with antisocial tendencies and has destroyed anyone in his path. So I'm always trying to protect myself against him.

How can I be a good wife if I can't trust and have trouble feeling love?

Maybe it's hopeless?




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1 comment:

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