Daddy Issues

I have several threads on this forum explaining my narcissistic/sociopathic dad who first cheated on then divorced my mom. Left to another state so he didn't have to be bothered seeing me and my brother and didn't want to pay child support. He continues to "stalk" me every couple of years and I've done my best to keep him away from my life. The psychological toll that he inflicted on my head is severe and invalidated by my mom who thinks "I shouldn't worry about it." So, this leads me down a strange path. Since I was a little girl I always wanted a daddy to take care of me but that didn't happen. So as a child of 10 I would look to father figures, my upstairs neighbor and my uncle both who showed me kindness but also showed me perversion. My upstairs neighbor had Penthouse magazines in his apartment and there was a cartoon at the end of the magazine "Wicked Wanda" which showed women playing bondage and engaged in orgies. This neighbor would make very inappropriate sexual remarks and informed me he would sleep with me when I turn 18. (That never happened. I thought he was gross.) My uncle kissed me on my mouth and tried to get me to play with his penis when I was 11 but I refused. I believe this corrupt beginning has led me to have strange ideas about sex. Whenever I fantasize it's always very violent. I'm always being tied up and gang raped. But when it comes down to actually having sex with my husband I avoid it and therefore, we don't have too much sex. Does anyone else have this kind of issue?

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