At a crossroad...

I have another thread with the ins and outs of seperation with my wife. In summary, we where trying for a baby, it wasn't happening, she was having a tough time at work, causing financial problems, we where arguing a lot, and OM was there to listen. We had a miscarriage, she moved out, and he was associated with all the positives and me with the negatives. I can kind of get my head around what happened, if what I have been told is the truth. We have been living together again for 2 months, and are getting on really well, infact better than we have I guess for a few years. So whats my problem? She has never admitted, and won't admit to having slept with him. This is despite staying over at his place around 5 times, and having spent the weekend together at a hotel. She claims she never needed to, but I really don't know if I can believe her. When we first started reconciling, i wasn't that concerned, but the last week or so its plagued my mind, and is starting to damage our relationship. I know, she is now remorsful for what happened, and wishes it didn't, I can tell by the way she is with me that she really wants our marriage to work. But I can't seem to let it go. Its like, if she was, it allows me to know what I am forgiving her for fully, and if I don't know the truth, how can I ever really move forward, and how will I fully know we are back together for the right reasons. Probably sounds strange. But then what if she is telling the truth, and i end the relationship on a hunch. Some of the reasons why I can't bring myself to believe her are: The other night stays, for obvious reasons. She wrote him a letter that said "it wasn't just about sex we both know it was more than that I wouldnt be fussed if we never had sex again", which she has said was in reverence to eskimo kisses that he jokingly said where there equivilant to sex. She got contraceptive pills after there hotel weekend, only a handful where ever taken. She keeps saying that people have sex before marriage so why would she not tell me if she had as its not that big of a deal. Although she was (aparrently lol) a virgin when we met. So to me it feels like justify not having just 1 partner. When I first found out about them, she referenced a friend who is single having friends with benefits. Some things that make me think she didnt: She wrote him, that he never pinned her down. She was still having issues from miscarriage when they went away and for most of the nights she would have stayed overnight, which would def make things unromantic for first time between them. She has never had a really high sex drive. Apart from the one reference there is no other mention in emails etc of a sexual relationship. She still has the odd email from him, which she surely wouldnt if they had been having a pa that didn't work out? I guess I have to reach a decision, otherwise we will go backwards. My real issue is I would still be reconciling if she had been, but I don't want to be tricked into it, if that makes sense, I want the choice to say I forgive you. I want to be able to draw a line and move forward.

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