A new (engaged) user, My story, My thanks!

I wanted to finally make a thread to introduce myself and give my thanks to this site, people who have no idea how they helped me and even oneof my friends. I was a little hesitant to post here too. So i am engaged to the love of my life(both late 20s). To me, she is everything, even with her faults...im not blinded by love, some of those faults need to change. We met in college, we started dating about sophomore year and while it was my first serious relationship it was kind of her second. (previous bf was for ~yr maybe a little less) College was up and down, we figured this relationship stuff out together. Cut to end of college we live ~1hr apart by car. Since the end of college it has been 4.5 years, to say its tough is an understatement. I miss her everyday but i do keep busy as she does. Now the issues were as most would guess, sex. But not just sex. It took me until recently to see it was her effort in the relationship, for years i had tried to get her to change certain aspects to accommodate for intimacy, sex and alone time. We usually had little, we both lived at home and her house is always busy with people. My house was quite the opposite, heres the kicker. She didnt drive, then when she got her license it took 2+ more years for highway driving. I did all the work and sometimes, just for alone time id drive the 4+ hrs in the weekend. Now this wouldnt be a super big problem if tolls and gas were cheaper and that i didnt drive for work. My commute is long, i drive at work and in the summer i track my car. Sometimes the last thing i wanted to do was drive. There were many arguments, me yelling and not getting anywhere.A nice surprise that she would be at the train station would have gone a long way. But, we trucked along because im stubborn and she had everything she wanted in a good bf. Then she surprised me and drove to my house, big deal for her and me. 7-8 months later i proposed, because well things got better but something still wasnt right. She didnt understand my frustration and always had an excuse. For 6+ years, ive done so much for her, i wanted her to reciprocate more. I wasnt feeling as loved as she probably did. The proposal changed me as i started to freak out about being married. (ie divorce everywhere, what did i do!?) After LOTS of reading on this site, ive changed for the better. I had alot of nice guy traits which ive toned down. I still like doing nice things for my soon to be bride. In the past 2 months id say things have been the best theyve ever been, communication is great and we working towards making a great foundation for our marriage. Ive learned to compromise on things, im a know it all in some senses, just learn to let the small things go that int he grand scheme of things wont make a difference. Ive toned down anger so much i can see a different me. So far ive read the 5 love languages and am reading his needs her needs. Shes on the 5LL right now. MMSLP and NMMNG are on deck as well. (those are just for me) Our communications about the books are good, shes seeing that essentially i wasnt happy and that i want to rid myself of resentment before were married. Shes happy im doing something alot wouldnt do. I gotta say, first she was skeptical, it pissed me off. I mean shes never been married before, neither have i, how do i know what to do correctly? Weve never lived together, theres so much to figure out. So thanks to TAM, im in such a good place, still working everyday with an open mind. I have missed out on a ton of details, maybe those will come later but 7.5 years of stuff is hard to put down. Side story: Also, after much trouble in her own relationship a friend of mine was complaining about her man. They are older and engaged. Shes pleaded with him dozens of times, yelled even more. Hes not a talker and doesnt do much to help her around the house. She wants little things, words of affirmation is prob her biggest need. On vday she got 5 love languages to give to him. Today she told me hes already changing and realizing how shes feeling. 4 days, and half the book. Its amazing.

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