On 12/29/14 I found out that my husband had an EA with one of his coworkers. We had been fighting quite a bit leading up to my discovery, mostly due to the fact that he took the OW on a shooting date the day after Christmas and didn't tell me it was just the two of them until after he got home. I found out about the EA by reading his emails - they had been in increasingly frequent contact since summer 2014. He pursued her and their emails were flirtatious and increasingly sexual. They talked trash about their significant others (she was living with her boyfriend at the time) and sent each other many compliments. The worst for me was how my husband wrote to the OW - very supportive, kind, and encouraging - all the things I wanted from him but had not been getting.
We went to MC and I learned how to communicate better. Our sessions focused exclusively on my job and how negative I am because of it. I work at an esteemed university and have a high-stress position. We didn't really discuss the EA because, at the time, both WH and I blamed myself and my actions for the whole mess. You see, for two years I detached from WH. I did not love him the right way.
Over this timeframe WH has become more involved in fitness and races. Today he is gone all day to volunteer for an event. I knew this was happening and asked him to set up a babysitter so I could do my second job this morning. I teach music lessons on weekends. He did not take care of his and I had to cancel - we have a 2 year old and 5 year old so they need to be supervised.
I was upset last night because it feels like what's important to me is not important to my husband. We talked about it, and our discussion came back to the fact that I did not love him the right way for two years. Basically, it's all my fault.
I need some advice. I feel absolutely awful. There are days I want to drive into a tree to save my husband and my kids the misery of dealing with me every day. The OW is now my youngest son's preschool teacher and I am afraid to go to the daycare in case I see her there. My WH still works with her on occasion. When I talk to him about this, he apologizes but that is it.
I am incredibly depressed and need to know if I am overreacting; if what I feel is normal or abnormal; and if there is something I can say to WH to make him understand that, yes, I did detach for a few years, but I've recommitted over the past eight months and need him to recommit as well.
Thanks for reading this.
We went to MC and I learned how to communicate better. Our sessions focused exclusively on my job and how negative I am because of it. I work at an esteemed university and have a high-stress position. We didn't really discuss the EA because, at the time, both WH and I blamed myself and my actions for the whole mess. You see, for two years I detached from WH. I did not love him the right way.
Over this timeframe WH has become more involved in fitness and races. Today he is gone all day to volunteer for an event. I knew this was happening and asked him to set up a babysitter so I could do my second job this morning. I teach music lessons on weekends. He did not take care of his and I had to cancel - we have a 2 year old and 5 year old so they need to be supervised.
I was upset last night because it feels like what's important to me is not important to my husband. We talked about it, and our discussion came back to the fact that I did not love him the right way for two years. Basically, it's all my fault.
I need some advice. I feel absolutely awful. There are days I want to drive into a tree to save my husband and my kids the misery of dealing with me every day. The OW is now my youngest son's preschool teacher and I am afraid to go to the daycare in case I see her there. My WH still works with her on occasion. When I talk to him about this, he apologizes but that is it.
I am incredibly depressed and need to know if I am overreacting; if what I feel is normal or abnormal; and if there is something I can say to WH to make him understand that, yes, I did detach for a few years, but I've recommitted over the past eight months and need him to recommit as well.
Thanks for reading this.
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