Sigh. :(
So my husband and I have been married since April 2014. Started as a long distance relationship in '09. In 2012 we both recolated and moved in together. Our problems started pretty much immediately after moving in, and as they are much worse now I can't help wondering why I didn't just leave.
In 2012 I felt cheated on as I discovered he had had sexual chats with his ex, he had to "distance" himself from her however they are still friends today. That same year I discovered his account on one of those dating sites, tested him by messaging him as someone else and he was willing to meet "me". Many issues out of that. I left the apartment once after discovering he had downloaded an app to have sex chats with random girls. Came back eventually, later found a second Facebook account, later porn. Really just things that have damaged me in many ways. Have made me never trust him, be always on alert, always be afraid.
Now in 2015. I discovered his EA cheating in May. He dropped her immediately, sent a no contact email eventually and he hasn't spoken to her since, as far as I can tell and he has expressed. A month later I realized it was physical, they had indeed met and he had lied. He later sat me down and told me all of the truth, things he didn't have to say as I wouldn't have known. He always wants for us to work out, it seems.
I am now so damaged. When we're okay, I try for us to have more sex but I guess it's not enough. He still wants to turn to porn, I just can't take it anymore. When he comes home late, when he comes to bed at ungodly hours...I'm unhinged. We aren't speaking much right now, except to fight about what we dislike about each other. He thinks porn is just fine, I'm the problem. "Why don't you give masturbating a try," he says. He also thought having sex online was just fine too, before it got him physically in bed with someone.
He's nice. One would say a lot nicer than me, as he sets my breakfast on the table and provides for me in every way. While I guess I'm just the bitter ***** who feels so stupid and unconsidered. Sometimes I think that he believes that these "provider" acts should be enough. We've tried reading a bit, until he told me he thinks it's useless. We did some counseling, the guy was no good though. I'm not sure I have any energy left for this relationship, he seems to want us to stay together but I don't understand how? He thinks dropping the girl means that he has changed? He accuses me of wanting to leave, etc. but we have no kids and are in our early 30s. Why live like this? Who is responsible here? I don't know what to do to make him care and see his destructive behaviors but he says I'm the careless one. I'm mean and I don't talk to him, I don't love him or care about him, I've stopped wearing my ring (I have and I wear another) and I just don't know what to do. I am always the one in websites looking for answers, he does nothing...why? I just wish he would show me how he is willing to change. What can I do here?
So my husband and I have been married since April 2014. Started as a long distance relationship in '09. In 2012 we both recolated and moved in together. Our problems started pretty much immediately after moving in, and as they are much worse now I can't help wondering why I didn't just leave.
In 2012 I felt cheated on as I discovered he had had sexual chats with his ex, he had to "distance" himself from her however they are still friends today. That same year I discovered his account on one of those dating sites, tested him by messaging him as someone else and he was willing to meet "me". Many issues out of that. I left the apartment once after discovering he had downloaded an app to have sex chats with random girls. Came back eventually, later found a second Facebook account, later porn. Really just things that have damaged me in many ways. Have made me never trust him, be always on alert, always be afraid.
Now in 2015. I discovered his EA cheating in May. He dropped her immediately, sent a no contact email eventually and he hasn't spoken to her since, as far as I can tell and he has expressed. A month later I realized it was physical, they had indeed met and he had lied. He later sat me down and told me all of the truth, things he didn't have to say as I wouldn't have known. He always wants for us to work out, it seems.
I am now so damaged. When we're okay, I try for us to have more sex but I guess it's not enough. He still wants to turn to porn, I just can't take it anymore. When he comes home late, when he comes to bed at ungodly hours...I'm unhinged. We aren't speaking much right now, except to fight about what we dislike about each other. He thinks porn is just fine, I'm the problem. "Why don't you give masturbating a try," he says. He also thought having sex online was just fine too, before it got him physically in bed with someone.
He's nice. One would say a lot nicer than me, as he sets my breakfast on the table and provides for me in every way. While I guess I'm just the bitter ***** who feels so stupid and unconsidered. Sometimes I think that he believes that these "provider" acts should be enough. We've tried reading a bit, until he told me he thinks it's useless. We did some counseling, the guy was no good though. I'm not sure I have any energy left for this relationship, he seems to want us to stay together but I don't understand how? He thinks dropping the girl means that he has changed? He accuses me of wanting to leave, etc. but we have no kids and are in our early 30s. Why live like this? Who is responsible here? I don't know what to do to make him care and see his destructive behaviors but he says I'm the careless one. I'm mean and I don't talk to him, I don't love him or care about him, I've stopped wearing my ring (I have and I wear another) and I just don't know what to do. I am always the one in websites looking for answers, he does nothing...why? I just wish he would show me how he is willing to change. What can I do here?
Put the internet to work for you.
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