Hi all,
I guess like most people, I didn't expect to find myself hunting for a support community such as this, but recent events in our marriage have left me with a burning desire to understand, learn and act to rebuild our relationship.
So, a few facts: we've been together 15 years, married for 10. We have 3 beautiful children. I'm the higher earner, but she works very hard running her own business and pays for a significant portion of the household bills. There are no 3rd parties involved.
Over the years, we've fallen into our roles and my wife tended to run the family. We were not equal partners and she definitely put more than her fair share in. We bickered and occasionally argued, but mostly we just got on with life. Our physical relationship has been awesome and I felt that our emotional one was healthy too.
About 3 weeks ago, it was obvious something was very wrong - and after some prodding, we had THE conversation. My wife said she loved me but was not IN love with me. I have since read a great deal about that sentence, including a book with the same title. I truly believe she does love me, but in the same way that she loves ours kids - I'm another mouth to feed etc.
Since that moment, I've entirely changed my approach to family life - I stupidly didn't realise that our "roles" were killing her passion for me. She was yearning for spontaneity and action, and I was hitting her with words of affirmation and physical intimacy. During the past 3 weeks, we've both "left the nest" - I moved to a hotel for a few days and she's currently staying with a friend temporarily. We're kind of dating again, and whilst it's odd, we're getting on better. I'm also getting to prove that I can be an equally active parent by getting up in the morning and having them ready for school with homework done etc. etc.
I'm not naive, I know I've screwed up - and I'm also aware that we are here because my wife and I weren't able to communicate effectively. Now that we are effectively talking the same language, however slight our chances, I want to get back on track. Whilst she isn't saying it, I feel like her actions would suggest she does too (the dating etc.)
So, to the point; I'd love to hear from other people who have been in a similar position - especially women who have lost the passion and desire for their partners in a similar way, and have successfully rediscovered their attraction/love. How did you approach it and how did your partners help?
Many thanks!
I guess like most people, I didn't expect to find myself hunting for a support community such as this, but recent events in our marriage have left me with a burning desire to understand, learn and act to rebuild our relationship.
So, a few facts: we've been together 15 years, married for 10. We have 3 beautiful children. I'm the higher earner, but she works very hard running her own business and pays for a significant portion of the household bills. There are no 3rd parties involved.
Over the years, we've fallen into our roles and my wife tended to run the family. We were not equal partners and she definitely put more than her fair share in. We bickered and occasionally argued, but mostly we just got on with life. Our physical relationship has been awesome and I felt that our emotional one was healthy too.
About 3 weeks ago, it was obvious something was very wrong - and after some prodding, we had THE conversation. My wife said she loved me but was not IN love with me. I have since read a great deal about that sentence, including a book with the same title. I truly believe she does love me, but in the same way that she loves ours kids - I'm another mouth to feed etc.
Since that moment, I've entirely changed my approach to family life - I stupidly didn't realise that our "roles" were killing her passion for me. She was yearning for spontaneity and action, and I was hitting her with words of affirmation and physical intimacy. During the past 3 weeks, we've both "left the nest" - I moved to a hotel for a few days and she's currently staying with a friend temporarily. We're kind of dating again, and whilst it's odd, we're getting on better. I'm also getting to prove that I can be an equally active parent by getting up in the morning and having them ready for school with homework done etc. etc.
I'm not naive, I know I've screwed up - and I'm also aware that we are here because my wife and I weren't able to communicate effectively. Now that we are effectively talking the same language, however slight our chances, I want to get back on track. Whilst she isn't saying it, I feel like her actions would suggest she does too (the dating etc.)
So, to the point; I'd love to hear from other people who have been in a similar position - especially women who have lost the passion and desire for their partners in a similar way, and have successfully rediscovered their attraction/love. How did you approach it and how did your partners help?
Many thanks!
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