Hi everyone,
My husband and I were separated for a year, but now we are living together.
Prior to our separation, I lived with his family. His older brother paid the mortgage and my husband paid all other expenses - meaning at the end of the day, he had nothing left in his bank account. It all went toward supporting the household. I felt that his brother was controlling where we lived and how my husband spent his money. When I'd ask to move out due to the intolerable living situation (unhappy with so many people in 1 home), my husband refused, which is why we separated.
During our separation, I supported myself and my 2 year old daughter. He chipped in $200 a month. I very intensely felt that his family was taking advantage of him financially, and he was letting them, since he continued to pay household expenses while not supporting his wife/child financially.
We are together now. He pays the rent and daycare expenses. I pay for groceries and remaining bills. He sold the house that he used to live in: half the money went to his brother and half to my husband since they owned the home jointly.
I assumed my husband would take his share and put it into his own personal account. I found out that he opened a joint account with his brother and dumped the funds there.
When small expenses come up - $500 here, $200 there - he asks me to loan him money. This makes me upset because I tell him he has thousands upon thousands saved up in a joint account with his brother, yet has no access to use them. He should be using his money to make up any shortage, not asking me to cover it.
I am upset because I feel like his brother continues to control my husband financially...and my husband continues allowing him. I feel they are afraid that my husband and I have an unstable relationship and worry I might divorce him and take his money. Our relationship most definitely is unstable but I wouldn't take his money. Also, it's turning in to a self-fulfilling prophecy: he put his money in a joint account with his sibling to "protect" himself financially, but it's causing marital problems and continued resentment/mistrust issues.
Not to mention that when I first found out about him opening a joint account with his brother, I was VERY VERY upset about it, and demanded he remove it and put it into his own account that nobody else has access to (since he won't put it into a joint account with me). He said he would, but I know he won't - it's been over a month.
Is this a big deal? Am I justified in making it a big marital issue?
My husband and I were separated for a year, but now we are living together.
Prior to our separation, I lived with his family. His older brother paid the mortgage and my husband paid all other expenses - meaning at the end of the day, he had nothing left in his bank account. It all went toward supporting the household. I felt that his brother was controlling where we lived and how my husband spent his money. When I'd ask to move out due to the intolerable living situation (unhappy with so many people in 1 home), my husband refused, which is why we separated.
During our separation, I supported myself and my 2 year old daughter. He chipped in $200 a month. I very intensely felt that his family was taking advantage of him financially, and he was letting them, since he continued to pay household expenses while not supporting his wife/child financially.
We are together now. He pays the rent and daycare expenses. I pay for groceries and remaining bills. He sold the house that he used to live in: half the money went to his brother and half to my husband since they owned the home jointly.
I assumed my husband would take his share and put it into his own personal account. I found out that he opened a joint account with his brother and dumped the funds there.
When small expenses come up - $500 here, $200 there - he asks me to loan him money. This makes me upset because I tell him he has thousands upon thousands saved up in a joint account with his brother, yet has no access to use them. He should be using his money to make up any shortage, not asking me to cover it.
I am upset because I feel like his brother continues to control my husband financially...and my husband continues allowing him. I feel they are afraid that my husband and I have an unstable relationship and worry I might divorce him and take his money. Our relationship most definitely is unstable but I wouldn't take his money. Also, it's turning in to a self-fulfilling prophecy: he put his money in a joint account with his sibling to "protect" himself financially, but it's causing marital problems and continued resentment/mistrust issues.
Not to mention that when I first found out about him opening a joint account with his brother, I was VERY VERY upset about it, and demanded he remove it and put it into his own account that nobody else has access to (since he won't put it into a joint account with me). He said he would, but I know he won't - it's been over a month.
Is this a big deal? Am I justified in making it a big marital issue?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment