I am here to admit fault and seek reason. I am a 30 year old man, I've been with my wife for 5 years and married for 1 1/2 years. We have a beautiful 4 month old daughter that I absolutely adore, I love my wife very much and truly believe that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
On two separate occasions in the past I have developed flirtatious relationships with women via social media sites. Both times I was caught my wife and both times I was heartbroken that I had hurt her. Seeing the pain that I caused in her was the worst thing that I have ever done and each time I vowed to myself and her that I would never let it happen again. Further down the road I fell into the same cycle and did it again for a second time and it went the same exact way. I honestly don't think I would EVER physically cheat on my wife but I am fully aware that this is emotional cheating.
Both times previously my wife and I were basically on completely opposite schedules and rarely saw each other and it left me feeling lonely. I know this is no justification for what I did, just an explanation into what was going on when I did.
Fast forward to now, it's been about 2 years since the last occurrence. We work very similar schedules and while they are busy they're not so busy that we don't have time for one another. We have made it through what I think will be one of the more difficult periods with our daughter very well and our sleep schedules are getting close to 'normal' again. We went a good stretch of time sleeping in separate beds just so we both weren't losing sleep every single night and we take turns getting up for our daughter now.
Last night I was out of town on work and I fell into the same trap and cycle again. I began flirtatious texting with a woman that I would never meet in person last night. It was nipped in the bud very early on and the feeling of guilt that I have is crushing me again. I have deleted and blocked all ability to correspond with the woman. The fact of the matter is that my wife is waaay better than any of these other women in every single way and all I am doing is filling a void that is caused by boredom or loneliness, I'm not sure which.
I guess why I am here is to see if anyone else has been through something similar and to see if there are any suggestions for getting to the ROOT of the problem so that i can fix it for good. As of right this second my wife does not know what I have done and I almost don't want to tell her because I just don't want to hurt her AGAIN. This is MY problem and I feel as though the burden of fixing it should be mine to bear. I would love to talk to a professional but it's just not in the cards financially right now.
Again, I love my wife very much and my life with her. This is all out of pure selfishness and in the moments that I am acting I never even take her feelings into consideration, it's pure selfishness when i am doing it. When I'm forced to consider her feelings and do so the weight of it is absolutely crushing. I hate that I do these things and I don't know why if I feel this way I continue to do them. I completely own my actions, whatever suggestions or experienced you all can share would be very welcome, however harsh the reality of them may be. I just want to FIX myself and be the man that my wife deserves.
On two separate occasions in the past I have developed flirtatious relationships with women via social media sites. Both times I was caught my wife and both times I was heartbroken that I had hurt her. Seeing the pain that I caused in her was the worst thing that I have ever done and each time I vowed to myself and her that I would never let it happen again. Further down the road I fell into the same cycle and did it again for a second time and it went the same exact way. I honestly don't think I would EVER physically cheat on my wife but I am fully aware that this is emotional cheating.
Both times previously my wife and I were basically on completely opposite schedules and rarely saw each other and it left me feeling lonely. I know this is no justification for what I did, just an explanation into what was going on when I did.
Fast forward to now, it's been about 2 years since the last occurrence. We work very similar schedules and while they are busy they're not so busy that we don't have time for one another. We have made it through what I think will be one of the more difficult periods with our daughter very well and our sleep schedules are getting close to 'normal' again. We went a good stretch of time sleeping in separate beds just so we both weren't losing sleep every single night and we take turns getting up for our daughter now.
Last night I was out of town on work and I fell into the same trap and cycle again. I began flirtatious texting with a woman that I would never meet in person last night. It was nipped in the bud very early on and the feeling of guilt that I have is crushing me again. I have deleted and blocked all ability to correspond with the woman. The fact of the matter is that my wife is waaay better than any of these other women in every single way and all I am doing is filling a void that is caused by boredom or loneliness, I'm not sure which.
I guess why I am here is to see if anyone else has been through something similar and to see if there are any suggestions for getting to the ROOT of the problem so that i can fix it for good. As of right this second my wife does not know what I have done and I almost don't want to tell her because I just don't want to hurt her AGAIN. This is MY problem and I feel as though the burden of fixing it should be mine to bear. I would love to talk to a professional but it's just not in the cards financially right now.
Again, I love my wife very much and my life with her. This is all out of pure selfishness and in the moments that I am acting I never even take her feelings into consideration, it's pure selfishness when i am doing it. When I'm forced to consider her feelings and do so the weight of it is absolutely crushing. I hate that I do these things and I don't know why if I feel this way I continue to do them. I completely own my actions, whatever suggestions or experienced you all can share would be very welcome, however harsh the reality of them may be. I just want to FIX myself and be the man that my wife deserves.
Put the internet to work for you.
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