My husband and I just had one of the biggest fights in our 11-year marriage. And I'm not sure how we are going to resolve the issue. My apologies for the long post.
The Backstory: A couple weeks ago my cousin's husband ("Jeff") started verbally attacking my husband online. Jeff, being the childish person that he is, said he was going to come to our house and punch my husband because he is angry that my husband won't let him into his fantasy football league. (Mature, right?!) With this kind of behavior, I think it is pretty obvious why my husband is not willing to add Jeff into his fantasy football league, where everyone else behaves like a normal adult. As you can tell, Jeff can be a rude loud mouth, especially when drunk, which he often is.
I agreed with my husband that Jeff's behavior was appalling and sadly not all that surprising. I said the best thing would be for us to ignore Jeff and not stoop to his level. I come from a large, close-knit family, and we are fortunate that we have never had any feuds, so I'd like to avoid fueling the fire with Jeff and paving the way for bigger issues.
The fight: Last night, my husband, who is usually quite sweet, seemed extremely agitated and snippy toward me. When I pressed him to reveal what was wrong, he began yelling that I have not taken his side with this whole issue with Jeff. I didn't see this coming. What had I done wrong? He said that he no longer wants me to interact with my cousin (Jeff's wife) - or allow our kids to interact with their children. He had noticed that my cousin and I took a picture of our kids together at Sunday school over the weekend, and he apparently took this as a betrayal. He said I need to choose between them and him.
My problem: I am extremely close with all of my cousins. And never in my life have I had one issue with Jeff's wife, who is a kind-hearted person. I may not like her husband's personality, but I don't have an issue with her. In fact, I feel for her, knowing it must be difficult to be married to a belligerent drunk. Also, I really only see her at family events and when we drop off our children at Sunday school. We don't hang out together otherwise. My husband said I should ignore her and her children when I do see them, but that doesn't feel right. I'm OK with ignoring Jeff, but why should I create bigger problems by severing ties with my cousin? That will only lead to other issues within the family ... and all because of Jeff. No, I'm not going to let him have that kind of power! My husband was infuriated that I won't cut ties with my cousin and her children. He said that's the only way Jeff's behavior will have consequences.
Where things stand: I am up set and angry that my husband is putting me in this position. He keeps telling me that I'm not taking his side, but when it comes to him and Jeff, I am on his side! I just don't see why Jeff's idiotic behavior should create a rift between others who aren't even involved in this petty drama. My husband and I are not seeing eye to eye. I think he's being unreasonable, and he thinks I'm being disloyal to him. We are completely butting heads on this issue. And I don't know how we are going to resolve it.
The Backstory: A couple weeks ago my cousin's husband ("Jeff") started verbally attacking my husband online. Jeff, being the childish person that he is, said he was going to come to our house and punch my husband because he is angry that my husband won't let him into his fantasy football league. (Mature, right?!) With this kind of behavior, I think it is pretty obvious why my husband is not willing to add Jeff into his fantasy football league, where everyone else behaves like a normal adult. As you can tell, Jeff can be a rude loud mouth, especially when drunk, which he often is.
I agreed with my husband that Jeff's behavior was appalling and sadly not all that surprising. I said the best thing would be for us to ignore Jeff and not stoop to his level. I come from a large, close-knit family, and we are fortunate that we have never had any feuds, so I'd like to avoid fueling the fire with Jeff and paving the way for bigger issues.
The fight: Last night, my husband, who is usually quite sweet, seemed extremely agitated and snippy toward me. When I pressed him to reveal what was wrong, he began yelling that I have not taken his side with this whole issue with Jeff. I didn't see this coming. What had I done wrong? He said that he no longer wants me to interact with my cousin (Jeff's wife) - or allow our kids to interact with their children. He had noticed that my cousin and I took a picture of our kids together at Sunday school over the weekend, and he apparently took this as a betrayal. He said I need to choose between them and him.
My problem: I am extremely close with all of my cousins. And never in my life have I had one issue with Jeff's wife, who is a kind-hearted person. I may not like her husband's personality, but I don't have an issue with her. In fact, I feel for her, knowing it must be difficult to be married to a belligerent drunk. Also, I really only see her at family events and when we drop off our children at Sunday school. We don't hang out together otherwise. My husband said I should ignore her and her children when I do see them, but that doesn't feel right. I'm OK with ignoring Jeff, but why should I create bigger problems by severing ties with my cousin? That will only lead to other issues within the family ... and all because of Jeff. No, I'm not going to let him have that kind of power! My husband was infuriated that I won't cut ties with my cousin and her children. He said that's the only way Jeff's behavior will have consequences.
Where things stand: I am up set and angry that my husband is putting me in this position. He keeps telling me that I'm not taking his side, but when it comes to him and Jeff, I am on his side! I just don't see why Jeff's idiotic behavior should create a rift between others who aren't even involved in this petty drama. My husband and I are not seeing eye to eye. I think he's being unreasonable, and he thinks I'm being disloyal to him. We are completely butting heads on this issue. And I don't know how we are going to resolve it.
Put the internet to work for you.
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