Dear TAM family,
I have decided to leave, and before you all think this thread is an attempt to get people to say "NO NO don't go..." it isn't. Rather, I've been here for five years--since 2010--and I know and care about many of you, and I suspect many of you care back. I've given a lot of good advice and helped pretty many people (I think), so I thought it was appropriate to have a little time to say goodbye to each other.
I've decided to leave for a number of reasons, but recent blow up with VH in the Private area is probably the catalyst that finally got me to get up off my duff and make the move. Back in 1999 my exH had an affair, and I've been deeply involved in the infidelity "world" since then. That's a long time to bear the weight of other people's betrayals, and since I am an empathic person by nature, yep... I do feel like I bear it with you. So a big part of this decision is that I'm worn out.
Another part of the decision is that I don't want to spend as many hours of my days and nights reading and researching. I read a lot here on TAM. I don't always "reply" because often there are people on here 24/7 who reply right away and they've done a good job! But when I do reply, I'll go back all the way and read all the person's history so I'm replying with as much knowledge and balance as possible. I want to take back those hours and spend them on Dear Hubby and maybe on myself.
Finally, I won't lie. It stung to hear that after all I've invested, I'm just a "stranger" and what I contribute isn't helpful and the time I've donated isn't worth anything. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, nor am I a Licensed Family Counselor, so I do understand that many people think that only those "professionals" have any wisdom or guidance to offer--like people usually think a doctor can solve all their medical issues rather than trusting themselves! But here's what I do know: I have extensive training in addition to my own personal experiences and learning. I have literally spent DECADES studying affairs, and I have helped many, many couples recover (either their marriage, or personally). So it is an absolute slap in the face to say my contribution doesn't have the same value as someone with some piece of paper!
My plan is to take the weekend to say goodbye, and speak to some people to say how much they meant to me, give people a chance to say what they might want to say, and then delete the link from my bookmarks. It's been a roller coaster--and I think I'm stepping off.
I have decided to leave, and before you all think this thread is an attempt to get people to say "NO NO don't go..." it isn't. Rather, I've been here for five years--since 2010--and I know and care about many of you, and I suspect many of you care back. I've given a lot of good advice and helped pretty many people (I think), so I thought it was appropriate to have a little time to say goodbye to each other.
I've decided to leave for a number of reasons, but recent blow up with VH in the Private area is probably the catalyst that finally got me to get up off my duff and make the move. Back in 1999 my exH had an affair, and I've been deeply involved in the infidelity "world" since then. That's a long time to bear the weight of other people's betrayals, and since I am an empathic person by nature, yep... I do feel like I bear it with you. So a big part of this decision is that I'm worn out.
Another part of the decision is that I don't want to spend as many hours of my days and nights reading and researching. I read a lot here on TAM. I don't always "reply" because often there are people on here 24/7 who reply right away and they've done a good job! But when I do reply, I'll go back all the way and read all the person's history so I'm replying with as much knowledge and balance as possible. I want to take back those hours and spend them on Dear Hubby and maybe on myself.
Finally, I won't lie. It stung to hear that after all I've invested, I'm just a "stranger" and what I contribute isn't helpful and the time I've donated isn't worth anything. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, nor am I a Licensed Family Counselor, so I do understand that many people think that only those "professionals" have any wisdom or guidance to offer--like people usually think a doctor can solve all their medical issues rather than trusting themselves! But here's what I do know: I have extensive training in addition to my own personal experiences and learning. I have literally spent DECADES studying affairs, and I have helped many, many couples recover (either their marriage, or personally). So it is an absolute slap in the face to say my contribution doesn't have the same value as someone with some piece of paper!
My plan is to take the weekend to say goodbye, and speak to some people to say how much they meant to me, give people a chance to say what they might want to say, and then delete the link from my bookmarks. It's been a roller coaster--and I think I'm stepping off.
Put the internet to work for you.
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