My husband is a very aloof person and while not "committed" to any sense of religion that I know of, is mostly adhered to Buddhism.
Since Buddhism tends to err on the belief that attachments are unnecessary and usually painful or ego-centered, my husband is quite smug about his lack of attachment to me.
In spite of the fact that he won't express any "positive" attachment to me (all those things most of us want to hear - "you're important to me" "I care about your feelings" etc.) he is absurdly able to reflect his attachment to his feelings of "annoyance" of being "harassed" and "pestered", and this is a TYPICAL response to my asking questions about his day at work. He just started a new job and doesn't talk much about it. He even says these things after a single, solitary question that is not a part of a conversation (heaven forbid).
I'm no theological expert, but I feel he uses these beliefs to maintain distance from me.
If I express that I feel I'm receiving more negative feedback than positive, he rolls his eyes and groans loudly, "Its always about you, you, you, isn't it?"
How does one effectively communicate what's important to them without generating this response? We've been married 5 years and it's starting to feel very lonely and isolating to be in the same room with him knowing the next time I open my mouth I'll be accused of "harassing" him or being "overbearing" NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR WHAT THE TOPIC IS OR HOW I APPROACH IT. This has become his default response to me in nearly every situation...
Since Buddhism tends to err on the belief that attachments are unnecessary and usually painful or ego-centered, my husband is quite smug about his lack of attachment to me.
In spite of the fact that he won't express any "positive" attachment to me (all those things most of us want to hear - "you're important to me" "I care about your feelings" etc.) he is absurdly able to reflect his attachment to his feelings of "annoyance" of being "harassed" and "pestered", and this is a TYPICAL response to my asking questions about his day at work. He just started a new job and doesn't talk much about it. He even says these things after a single, solitary question that is not a part of a conversation (heaven forbid).
I'm no theological expert, but I feel he uses these beliefs to maintain distance from me.
If I express that I feel I'm receiving more negative feedback than positive, he rolls his eyes and groans loudly, "Its always about you, you, you, isn't it?"
How does one effectively communicate what's important to them without generating this response? We've been married 5 years and it's starting to feel very lonely and isolating to be in the same room with him knowing the next time I open my mouth I'll be accused of "harassing" him or being "overbearing" NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR WHAT THE TOPIC IS OR HOW I APPROACH IT. This has become his default response to me in nearly every situation...
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