| Ok, I'll try not to ramble and just summarize the issues...if anyone needs more details to offer some advice, I'll share them. We married when were were 22; it's been 4 years *** I had a lot of meaningless sex in college, no real relationships *** He had 2 or 3 girlfriends in college, cheated on them all, not a lot of sex *** We had a lot of issues before getting married that didn't just go away when we did get married *** Last year, I finally moved to another state and decided I'd rather be by myself than dealing with his infidelity *** While separated, we both dated, had sex, and were with other people *** Last month, I went abroad for 2 weeks and decided I was going to move overseas and wanted a divorce so I could live my life freely -it wasn't an ultimatum, more of a "I want to move on and have a healthy life." *** Throughout the year that we were separated, we remained in contact and he constantly asked me to move back with him; I refused because the main issues of infidelity didn't seem to be resolved *** Since I've known him, he'd been unwilling to be monogamous (he's say one thing but do another behind my back) and I didn't know just how addicted to sex he was. In his mind, he hadn't "experienced" as much as I had and wanted to "get it out of his system" I guess. *** Rather than get a divorce when I brought it up last month, he said he wanted to reconcile, he wouldn't cheat, and that he was ready to be in a committed relationship. I agreed and moved back. *** Before I came back, not long after he said he'd stop doing all the bull**** he was up to before - my main condition for moving back - I found out he had a threesome after he had already told me he had changed. He's a habitual liar and I was very disappointed and hurt. He apologized and said he regretted what he'd done and was ashamed. Rather than harp on it, I tried to just forgive, but I haven't been able to forget (and rightfully so. I mean, seriously???!?!) *** Fast forward 2+ weeks and we haven't had any sex or any sexual intimacy. Of course, at first, I was so pissed and disgusted at what he had been doing/done, I told him we both needed to be tested before anything would happen, because god knows what trash he was sleeping with (seriously). I'm more of a "Type A" and he's more of a "Type B." I put out my feelings bluntly and move on, he just kind of takes the back seat. *** Basically, he's said he has no sexual drive anymore. I find this ridiculous, because we're only 26/27, and what the hell am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? I also, from experience with his past behavior, wonder what's going to happen when this so-called asexual phase wears off: is he going to cheat again? I've asked as much and he says he just doesn't feel like it. So now I'm left feeling undesirable and like I got the ****ty end of the stick: ok, so you "choose me" and I'm you're soul mate, but....I don't turn you on? You don't find me attractive? Yeah, this a'int gonna work. Sex isn't everything, but it's certainly *something* in a relationship, right?? :confused: *** After nosing around on this site a bit, I told him again simply: this will not work. I'm not going to screw the lawnboy and I'm not going to forgo sex during the prime of my life. He's basically shut down and won't talk about the issue, so here I am... Ok, way more wordy than I intended, but there's a lot of water under the bridge, I guess. :scratchhead: Help? | |||
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