spouse having PA w/ much younger woman

(we're both women BTW) Without getting into details, my spouse has been having a PA with a woman over a decade younger than us. I made her confess about a month ago. She said that she felt neglected and alone and that she thought I had "checked out" of the marriage. Since being discovered she never stopped contacting the OW (texting, meeting during the day) though she became more discrete and has been spending much more time with me. I have laid out my conditions, namely stop all contact in order to rebuild things with me or we start taking steps to separate. Well, she hasn't stopped contact, and I'm dragging my feet on taking the steps to separate. These steps are daunting, as they involve selling our house and a major move on my part. She says she's "torn" but also doesn't think our problems can be resolved. I have been trying to be more independent and have taken a few trips to see friends (when I get back, she is upset with me for not having texted her very much when I was away--meanwhile, she has been sleeping with the OW and going out to fancy dinners). Writing this, I see that I probably just need to start taking the real steps toward selling the house and moving. But I hate feeling like I have been kicked out of my life (I like our house, but I can't afford it on our own. And I can't really kick her out because I don't think she could afford a place to stay long-term). And I'm probably hanging on because I hope we can reconcile (even though I don't know if our problems--aside from the affair--are resolvable). I don't want to do anything too drastic too soon. So, I guess I would like to some general advice about how to proceed. I do have one specific question--my spouse will be celebrating a major birthday in a few weeks, and I suspect that she and the OW have planned some kind of trip together for it. I was hoping to be out of town that week, but those plans fell through. What should I do? I feel like I can't force her to spend that time with me, but I also don't want to be at home when she's off doing whatever. Should I try to plan another trip? Am I thinking about this in the wrong way? Thank you so much.

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