| Hi I'm looking for some advice as I dont know how to handle this issue anymore and Im just worried it will be this way for life. Husband and I have been together for 14 years - living together for 7. We both work full time. We have no family yet (been trying for nearly a year). My husband has four friends he's close too, one is divorced three are engaged. They get together and play sports or have nights out, only occasionally the women are invited. They see each other a couple of nights a week but sometimes its more. My husband has just recently agreed with me that things go okay for a while (meaning he spends a fair amount of time with them) and then a few times a year weeks go by when they are out a few weeknights and every weekend together. I dont mind so much when the nights are planned in advanced but its when its a spur of the moment thing and that our plans are pushed aside (not that they were that interesting) that annoys me. My husband thinks he's doing a nice thing asking me ' is it ok if I go out to......'. This riles me even more because obviously if he's asking me (with his usual big grin, or arms around me) that he wants to go. I always told him do what makes you happy (so off he goes).....so I guess I'm feeling a little rejected. I know he thinks he's considering my feelings by asking me if he can go out but by doing this I will feel like the bad guy if I say 'no' and I'll probably also feel like his Mother. Usually we end up arguing about this kind of thing a few times a year..........same issue that never really gets resolved. Im just worried this is how its always going to be. My husband I are different in the way he has more close freinds than me, so he's always got offers on the go. I quite like having me time but not too much of it. So trying to tackle the issue - last year I joined my local gym so that I have somewhere to go and get off my husbands back. The gym thing is going well but I still feel like its a fight to get husbands time. The other weekend he was going out out with his friends on the Saturday so I thought fine I'll get time with you on Sunday. They drank from mid afternoon to late that evening, he came in really drunk and was in no fit state on the Sunday to do anything.:( Every now and then I make the comment that him and his friends will never grow up - he just laughs and says 'yeah ano':( I guess when it comes down to it I want my husband to want to spend time with me rather than he has to. I dont think I'll ever be as fun as his friends or be able to offer him what they do. I'm just the pain in the ass he has to come home to. I've made a point of stopping nagging him since last year but I this just make things easier for him and harder for me coz I'm not speaking my mind anymore....It didnt make a difference before anyway. I do love my husband but just want to get over this hurdle that keeps appearing and Im worried it will never get better even if we did have kids. What do I say to him or what do I do or stop doing? On the upside I seem to be good at cleaning and sex;) | |||
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