| and move on? I know dwelling on the past is NOT helping and doing nothing. Especially when no MAJOR betrayal actually happened, just stuff that made me upset and I feel like I keep triggering... When I was pregnant with our first kid a few years ago, RIGHT after I gave birth, husband was always looking at one of his coworkers FB pages. They were friends then, but when this all went down it was TOO much for me to handle, I couldn't mentally deal with it, post partum blues, feeling betrayed...all of it was too much and it upset me. I feel like that time period is tainted with that dumb situation :( Since then husband said they didn't talk period for almost a year, but then I found out that wasn't true...they did BUT it was restricted to work only but still, he had lied about it. I put my foot down, I was done, we went to MC and he decided he would NOT talk to her anymore unless it was absolutely necessary at work. This came from him and he decided it was an easier way to deal with it, he saw it hurting me and felt like he ruined any friendship he had with her and it was all not worth it before. Since then, this coworker (who I was partly friends with) defriended me on FB because it was awkward, but she also got married and has a kid...so things are different now... Well now that I'm pregnant again, I feel like lots of those feelings are coming back again. I"m thinking of that time and getting resentful still. I feel anxious and jealous about other stuff with husband (smaller things that have bothered me before...some of it is JUST me though, and me being irrational). I see that he works with lots of attractive females and it gets under my skin. I'm acquaintances with several of them and I know they're nice too. And since I recently left work to be stay at home, I'm feeling anxious about NOT having adult interactions everyday and no group of girlfriends to see regularly, all of this together is bothering me so much. A lot of other positive things have happened though in the past few years, husband and I did some MC together and worked on improving ourselves. Read 5LL and worked on that a bit, going to read his needs/her needs soon. We've moved to a better area/bigger house, husband seems to be communicating better with me and learning about boundaries. Husband is/was a 'nice guy' and read part of the book--worked on it some, he speaks up more for himself or at least understands some of that mentality better now too (I'm still definitely the more dominant one in our relationship). I should feel happy, I should be confident, secure etc. But I keep having these bouts of feeling so anxious, jealous, insecure etc. I know looking how I look doesn't help, but even pre-baby I needed to work out/lose weight. Maybe its nothing wrong with husband and its ALL ME that is screwed up :confused::scratchhead::( It's like I can't get a hold over my feelings and I get in a 'stuck' mode. None of this will help my marriage, I hate how I keep telling husband I feel like this. He said he is going to try to do more to make me feel more secure BUT really that is NOT his job, that needs to come from me. Maybe the more I read TAM the more I complicate things... Help :confused: | |||
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