Is he sincere?

Hello everyone, I deleted my previous threads a few weeks ago. Long story short, I caught my husband of 20 years in an EA with someone he met online through a game and discovered chat logs of him stating how sexy she was and how much he loved her. After I discovered this affair, he left and we were separated for 2 weeks before he came back. He said he left because he was embarrassed of what he did and could not face me. We have talked extensively about this and he has admitted to sending and receiving pictures, but states that it was all just a game he got caught up in and just wanted to see how much he could get away with saying. I do not believe this explanation at all. I feel that it might have started innocently, but he enjoyed the attention from the OW and got caught up in the fog. He has been very open with his phone that never used to leave his pocket and seems to be committed to rebuilding our relationship, but I cannot get over the lies. I question everything he says. I question how he could use the words "love" so freely with her, but still mean them when he says them to me. He says he has been NC since my discovery of the affair, but I can't get over being suspicious every time he picks up his phone. I do not believe they ever met in person, but I can't help but think that was just because she lives hours away. He has apologized multiple times, but I can't bring myself to believe his explanation. Will we ever be able to rebuild the trust? Will I ever believe anything he says again? Will the words " I love you" ever have meaning again?

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