| Okay. So there's some common sense answers in my head about all this but I think I just need to hear it from others. I'm just confused. Backstory: I was with my ex for 2 years, the last 6 months living together and engaged. Shortly after the breakup I started seeing my current bf (of 5 months now) and found out how hard it is to go back to casual dating. My poor bf, I kept asking him if things were going ok since we were only seeing each other once a week and stupid ish like that. Though to my credit of not being a *complete* headcase, I did try to deal with the adjustment mostly on my own and did not text him *every* time I had another panicky thought. Damn, that was hard. I feel better now but for the first 3 months or so, that was rough. He knew about my ex, so I think he was just extra understanding and patient. I probably would have left me and called me crazy lol. Now: So it's been 5 months and we've told each other that we're totally in love and crazy about each other. He works in, we'll say, Town A, where I, until a couple of weeks ago, used to live. I moved an hour west to be in Town B where I work. At the time I didn't know what was going on with us and I didn't want to decide based on a new boy I just happened to like a lot, but I've been uneasy about the decision since before it happened. Basically, I had just told my now-roomie that I would move in when my bf and I started talking about me moving or staying (turns out, in the fall I may need a new job and might just end back up at my old place), and I didn't want to be a jerk and up and cancel on the roomie like that. So I moved. My bf lives an hour NE of Town A, so we are in completely different directions now. We are still seeing each other once a week. We've only had one week of me being moved and I happened to be back in Town A so I saw him then. He does say he'll c ome out to visit me. He lives with family, and he says that I can also come out and meet his parents, which I offered to do in an effort to show that I will happily split the travel. I am supposed to go back to Town A to see him tomorrow. The Meat: I am now in a long-distance relationship, which is my first. I'm coming off living with someone I was going to be spending forever with and being that I don't have friends here yet (I know a couple of people though), I feel sometimes that I just want someone to come home to. I want to tell my bf that I want to be more serious- he's fine with seeing me once a week, I'm starting to feel like that's not enough. Just from how he acts towards me, I feel that I'm more into this than he is. I know he's really into me, but I just want this to move a tad faster. I know I didn't help things by moving. And maybe it's still adjustment yearning? I have no idea. oh- useful note- I'm 31, he's 25. It does me a bit of good when I'm in my panic moments to remember what I was like at 25, and having an LTR was not on my radar. I will say that he is mature for 25, he is very career-driven and focused. Frankly, I don't think I would have stayed with him otherwise. So, throwing in the distance, I have no idea what to expect from this. It's been 5 months and I feel that he's keeping things at a distance, and I'm afraid to suggest otherwise. I say this because although our feelings are strong, we're still a little new and "fresh love" about things. Our texting consists of hearts and I love you's and sad faces because I miss you again. Minus the first few dates, we haven't tended to spend time actively getting to know each other but we don't get a lot of time to hang out- he works weekends and during the evenings on weekdays; his days off each week vary. Neither of us like leaving right after sex, so we'll hang out for a couple of hours after (he would come over after work around 10pm most times, and then have his hour drive home, so I try to be understanding about that). I do enjoy our hangouts though; we have started to talk then lately. And that's another thing that we will have to deal with- neither of us live in Town A anymore, so uh....I guess we're going to get creative with his backseat or something. Who knows. Questions: I don't want to freak him out with telling him that I want something more serious, sometimes I'm ok with us and sometimes not. Should I just leave him and find someone who knows they want a LTR? I don't feel the need for any official commitment from him but I want it to be more stable than it is now. As far as his past, I know that his last gf, they moved in together after 4 months of dating, 3 months later she left him for some guy she got engaged to 4 days later. Sooooooo, thanks for those trust issues, b!tch. I just don't know. Every time I think about ending it, I just feel all in love with him again and I decide I'll just hang on and see what happens. Am I still too early out of my last relationship? Should I be concerned that he's more lax about us than I am? It's been almost a half-year, a little new but not insignificant for sure. How long should I hold out? As for what I want in my future, not sure about kids but am more favorable about it, well since I've been with him actually. So no super maternal urges going on, but maybe I'm just getting tired of bs dating. ? | |||
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