Not sure if we are breaking up or not but it feels like it

I'm so sad right now. I've been trying to be strong but my heart hurts. I'll try to spare those who read this a wall of text. me (32f) and my bf(36m) have been going out for 4 years. Things sorta came to a crossroads last week when we had a huge blow out of an argument. It comes down to neither one of us communicates effectively to the other. So when there are problems nothing is said or they get spoken about and nothing is done about them or it starts an argument. I suggested couples therapy. Because at this point that's the only thing I think is going to work if we want to stay together. we clearly aren't communicating well enough that our needs aren't be met properly. I want nothing more than to spend my life with him. This is one of my frustrations with him. I've asked him before if he wanted to get married engaged. He says yes but only if I bring it up or get's defensive or tense about the whole conversation. I don't nag him about it but this is one of our problems. We don't live together. He says he's wants a family... maybe it's not with me. I think if we were to go to couples therapy and worked on our communication I think that would help tremendously. Seeing this is what we always argue about. But he's deciding if that's what he wants to do or not. If it's even important... If he doesn't then we will go our separate ways. We share no mutual friends or anything so I guess in theory a split up won't be so bad? I guess... I don't know? we are doing NC while he decides if he want's to try couples therapy. I told him to be quick about the decision cause I don't want this dragging out. I'll be 33 and more than likely single. I want to get married, I want a family, I want someone to get old with me, share my intrest. I want to believe so hard I'll find someone but I'm worried. I'm worried I won't find someone and I'll be alone with my forever needy cat. :( I am in therapy myself since I'm having my own issues outside of the relationship. Just really depressed about my life in general now. Nothing is really working out. :(

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