| Please excuse if you have seen this already; I thought I posted it but never saw it again. I hope I don't lose this one! I've been married 23 years now, and I can't tell if I'm overreacting to issues in the past or actually looking at an accumulation of evidence. My questions are 1) what do you think? And 2) how can I figure this out? Is documenting each incident childish? The latest problem is the dishwasher. One day before Christmas, the dishwasher broke. My husband said he liked to wash dishes but I still wanted it fixed. We have three kids and lots of dishes. Mr.whiner said he didn't think it was under warranty but he would check. He didn't but he always said he would when I brought it up. He washed nearly all the dishes himself and whenever I tried to teach the kids to help, he would send them away because, he said, he liked doing it and they didn't to it well. They are ages 8, 11, and 14. When he was not home and I would tell the kids to wash they argued that "dad likes to do it". Then. The sink began to leak and we had to wash in a Tupperware tub set in the sink. Still, he didn't call. I gave up trying to get the kids to help or doing much myself, thinking he would get sick of it and call. Nope. Even with the plastic tub, the sink leaks and gross water is gathered under the sink in a bucket. It smells horrible. It also gathers in the bottom of the dishwasher, or did, when we used the dishwasher to drain the dishes. I announced yesterday that we would no longer use it that way. He thought I was overreacting. In march, I called Sears. The machine was fixed but broke again. And again. Each time, my husband said he would call--I teach and do not have cell coverage or a phone in my room--and had to be reminded again and again. I knew he would be mad if I called. Last time the repair guy came, we bought an extended warranty with the understanding that if it broke again, it would be replaced in full. It broke. Then mr. W said we couldn't call sears bc we had bought the warranty in a shady way. I do not understand. Finally, he made an appt. just yesterday for June 10. I was so mad about this late date that I wrote angry e-mail to sears. Mr. w got mad about that, too. Is he a nice guy who likes to wash dishes or some sort of passive-aggressive hyper-procrastinator? We have plenty of issues and I am by no means perfect. But I think this behavior is a pattern and I resent that he is the nice one (washing the dishes) while I am the nag (always bugging him to make calls) when it is perfectly reasonable to want a dishwasher. Other "evidence": The tree down in the backyard for 2 years bc it is stupid to pay someone to cut it up. He plans to do it himself. His statement on Mother's Day:" wow, I was going to get you flowers but I just fell sound asleep!" Last year, I insisted I just wanted one-day maid service for Mother's Day. He thought this was a poor use of money. 2 days later, he offered to buy me a couch. I restated I wanted the house cleaned. I got nothing at all but when I mentioned this he said, "well, I thought you were going to hire a maid." He refuses to go to bed when I do because it limits his freedom and if he does, he says he will wake in middle of the night. He finally agreed to sleep study but then only tried sleeping with the c-pap mask for a few minutes. It smothered him, he said. I let him take control of the bills bc he said I should trust him. 6 months later, calls from collection agencies started. He put me off again and again but I finally went through his "filing" system-- his back pack. Many bills were in the bottom, not even opened. He was furious that I went through his stuff and talked a lot of nonsense, as in " I would rather you just cut off my head than pay that c-pap bill! It is totally unfair. You might as well just stab me in the heart!" He often says he doesn't remember making statements like this. He hasn't finished fixing up the basement, drywalling my office, or framing the door. This is over about 4 years. He agreed we could get 2 puppies but won't let them in the house when he is Okay, on the positive side. Says he would do anything for our family. Very reliable in picking up kids, going on field trips, etc. Works best in "emergency" situations, like running out to get poster paper for a school project. Does not demand any particular chores from me--housekeeping, grocery shopping, etc. Usually cooks supper on the weekends. Never forgets birthdays, etc. Am I just fussing about typical stuff, or does this sound like a real issue? He often "remembers" things differently than I do, so should I document statements or choices he makes that seem likely to cause trouble later? That seems so mean and childish but he honestly makes me feel like I'm going crazy! All advice--even if it is to stop whining--is welcome! | |||
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