Were you "Love Bombed" by a narcissist?

I figured out my STBXH is a textbook passive-aggressive, but today I realized he is also a narcissist after reading this post: Love Bombing – When It's Too Good To Be True | Narcissism and Relationships Blog by Melanie Tonia Evans Several people mentioned narcissism in the other threads I started, but I knew my H had low self-esteem, so I just didn't see how those two personality problems could co-exist. I first came across the phrase "love bombing" on the Chump Lady blog and something clicked, as this is exactly what my H did to draw me in to a relationship. We met online and lived a state away from each other. After we met in person, he sent me LONG exquisitely written love letters, gushing on and on about how I was the most amazing, sexiest woman ever, blah blah blah. He drew an entire book full of pictures of me, sent flowers, gifts and cards, we had so much in common... I wondered if others on TAM have experienced this. Did you think it was how a normal relationship starts? Deep down I knew it was over the top. But I ignored the red flags, of course. I'm not sure why I fell for this. Desperation for a relationship, leftover issues from growing up a fat kid, a distant father who made it clear I was nothing but an inconvenience, an older sister who I now think is probably a narcissist also... all of the above? Maybe I just thought that's how men act when they really, really like you. The fact that he's an actor/singer/performer (he told me once he got a rush from being on stage and getting applause), and constantly, desperately sought out female attention "ego kibbles" any way he could while treating me like I was nothing (the 'devalue' stage) also fits. It says in the blog that narcissists have no 'self' of their own but are chameleons. My H uses the term 'shape-shifter' for his theater stuff and FB page. He also pretended to be an English exchange student successfully for a year and a half while he was in middle school. He said he adopted an alter ego so people would like him. He told me he loved me (during sex) the 4th time we met. A few months ago I brought that up to him and asked him if he really did love me at the time. He said, "of course not, I didn't even know you." So why did you say it? I asked. His response was that he "just felt like saying it." He had a little smile on his face when he told me this. Are narcissists capable of love? I've heard several people say that when a marriage goes to hell, we should stop trying to figure out the spouse's issues and focus on fixing ourselves, but applying actual terms to the horribly confusing and hurtful way my H has acted toward me has helped immeasurably, and it all came from this site.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979