Attitudes about sex, who is right?

My husband and I have been together for about 15 years, 7 of those years we've been married. We have two kids. After the delivery of our first child, I had very bad PPD for two years (also triggered another illness, which resulted in many health problems). We had little sex then because I was depressed, full of self-loathing, sick and guilty that was working and not caring for our son. I tried to give him more attention, but I admit it was difficult. But sometime during all of this, my husband decided that sex was something I owed him. For example, if I went out shopping for 2 hours while he looked after our child, he was mad that I didn't initiate sex to thank him. It just continued to get worse from there until he was so angry he yelled at me about it. After our second was born, I stayed home and I have been healthy and happy. I am trying to be that awesome wife that cooks amazing food, plans fun activities for the kids, started a home business to make extra money and I'm trying to have sex with him more often to say "thank you" for taking on full financial responsibility. But the same theory, in his mind, applies. If I go out with some friends (which happens once a year, MAYBE). He tells me I don't understand that I need to reward him for taking care of the kids that night. According to him, I owe him. So, I've sucked it up and pretended for a long time. We have fought again and again because he wants me to initiate. So I do. Then we fight because he comes onto me when extremely drunk, which happens at least 3-4 times a month. My problem with it is he smells bad when drunk, he gets creepy when drunk, he can't keep an erection but makes it go on for 2 hours usually (again with no erection) and it's usually around 1 or 2 am when he starts this. I told him I don't like to have sex with him when he is trashed. Frankly, I don't find him sexy or appealing when he can't stand up straight. And finally, our latest fights have been because he wants me to be into sex for real and he also wants/needs kinky sex. I feel like I can't make him happy. But then again, I'm not interested in sex with him because he puts so much damn pressure on it. I have a hard time switching mental gears from super mom to sex kitten. On top of that, I'm always worried he'll lose his erection, start a fight or insist that it's not enough because it needs to be kinkier. We are separated for a few weeks due to a death in the family. I have the kids. He'll arrive in a week. He just told me he almost cheated on me the other day with a friend's wife. I feel totally dismayed. We are good partners, in many ways. We laugh, engage in many of the same past times, we both care about health and fitness, we are both super involved parents. We have fun together (sometimes) and we have good parties with good friends. But, this sex issue is driving me up the wall. Who is right? Do I owe him sex for watching the kids, "letting" me go out and such? My thought is that I shouldn't owe him sex. Sex should be something I want to have with him. Something I enjoy with him. Something we can share together. To me, it's not a commodity that I should use to get what I want from my husband's time. Likening it as such cheapens it for me and really turns me off. I think we need help. I don't even care who is right and who is wrong. I just want to know what to do.

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