only married 10 months and he's left me

Hi, I'm new to the forum but I've been reading lots of the posts over the last week and have found them a great help. My H and I have been together almost 13 years, I am 31 and he is 38 (no kids), and we only got married last July. Things haven't been great between us for quite some time, we'd get into a deep rut of not communicating and were living more as housemates than newlyweds, I can see all this now looking back, but all this time I thought we were essentially happy, however 11 days ago H came home from work and gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. He says he's been miserable for 8 months and can't carry on, that he doesn't even want to try anymore. I felt like I had been hit by a train. Somehow, I kept my calm, didn't cry or throw things, but it was clear that his mind was made up so I let him leave. He's been staying with his mum since. He came over again 3 days later and told me that he had developed feelings for a woman at work and although he's not acted on it (which I genuinely believe) he didn't feel he could carry on living with me while he was having these feelings for someone else. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I still kept my calm, and didn't cry or throw things, but I let him go again. A week of limited contact went by, with me analyzing every minute detail of anything he put on Facebook and getting my hopes up if he put a x at the end of a text etc. I was torturing myself while it seemed like he was just getting on with life. He came over today and told me he's got chance to take a room in a shared house near work from August, and he'll stay at his mum's till then. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I had thought/hoped that he just needed a couple of weeks to get his head together. Not the case. He has, however realised that his feelings for this OW were not real, he had been able to talk to her about our problems where he'd felt he couldn't talk to me and in his words he'd "imprinted onto her like a baby duck" He said he doesn't want anyone else, but he still doesn't know if he wants to work on the marriage. I ignored this - call it selective hearing - and said I understand that he needs to be away, he needs time to sort his head out, but I will not give up on 13 (mostly happy) years without a fight. He has agreed to go on weekly "dates" and we're having our first date on Wednesday. We'll just have to see what happens from there. I've done a few desperate things, like emailing him links to mid-life crisis articles and mid-level stalking, but I've generally kept a positive outlook -I honestly don't think my marriage is over, but it's sooooooo hard to keep positive when the person you love most in the world has reached into your chest and ripped your heart out. Sorry for the mahoosive post, I just needed to pour my heart out to people that understand. xxx

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