I am beyond confused and in desperate need of outside perspective. I will try not to make this too long.
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. We are the couple that never should have gotten married in the first place. We love each other but we don't like each other (most of the time). We don't respect each other. Maybe there was a time that we were best friends, lovers, partners in crime, the love of each others lives and turned toward each other instead of away. I say maybe because that was so long ago that I don't even know if it really existed. Either does he, and trust me, we have had many conversations about it over the years.
We have nothing in common. We don't really do anything together as he likes to go to the bars and out with his friends and I like to do outdoor stuff and I am a home body. He drinks several times a week and smokes pot--I rarely drink and never smoke pot. We both walk on egg shells around each other and we both aren't happy. We constantly bicker and it seems as if we have to have an argument just to make a simple decision. If I could count the hundreds of arguments and conversations we have had about "fixing" our relationship, I would be rich. We say we are going to do xyz and it will improve for a short time, but it never lasts.
He is verbally abusive when he is angry and has severe mood swings that I find difficult to handle. I catch myself pulling away from him which makes things worse, but I don't know what else to do. We have been to marriage counseling and I have been to individual counseling.
I believe that marriage is death do us part but when is enough, enough? I struggle with doing what I feel is right (toughing it out or trying to fix something that might not be fixable), and with the idea of divorcing and cutting our losses and "potentially" finding happiness (on both of our parts). He feels that same way.
On top of all of that, I have always wanted kids and I made that very clear to him when we were dating. A couples years ago, He threw a bomb shell at me that he didn't want kids and probably wouldn't change his mind. I started to question whether or not I could live without having kids. Lately, I believe that I would be ok not having kids, but I can't get this thought out of my mind that a lot of that decision has to do with the fact that I don't want kids with him because I know he wouldn't make a good father.
I am sad when I think about not having him in my life anymore but I would be lying if the idea also brings a sense of relief. We have our good "moments" but they just seem so few and far.
Thank you in advance for listening and any feedback.
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. We are the couple that never should have gotten married in the first place. We love each other but we don't like each other (most of the time). We don't respect each other. Maybe there was a time that we were best friends, lovers, partners in crime, the love of each others lives and turned toward each other instead of away. I say maybe because that was so long ago that I don't even know if it really existed. Either does he, and trust me, we have had many conversations about it over the years.
We have nothing in common. We don't really do anything together as he likes to go to the bars and out with his friends and I like to do outdoor stuff and I am a home body. He drinks several times a week and smokes pot--I rarely drink and never smoke pot. We both walk on egg shells around each other and we both aren't happy. We constantly bicker and it seems as if we have to have an argument just to make a simple decision. If I could count the hundreds of arguments and conversations we have had about "fixing" our relationship, I would be rich. We say we are going to do xyz and it will improve for a short time, but it never lasts.
He is verbally abusive when he is angry and has severe mood swings that I find difficult to handle. I catch myself pulling away from him which makes things worse, but I don't know what else to do. We have been to marriage counseling and I have been to individual counseling.
I believe that marriage is death do us part but when is enough, enough? I struggle with doing what I feel is right (toughing it out or trying to fix something that might not be fixable), and with the idea of divorcing and cutting our losses and "potentially" finding happiness (on both of our parts). He feels that same way.
On top of all of that, I have always wanted kids and I made that very clear to him when we were dating. A couples years ago, He threw a bomb shell at me that he didn't want kids and probably wouldn't change his mind. I started to question whether or not I could live without having kids. Lately, I believe that I would be ok not having kids, but I can't get this thought out of my mind that a lot of that decision has to do with the fact that I don't want kids with him because I know he wouldn't make a good father.
I am sad when I think about not having him in my life anymore but I would be lying if the idea also brings a sense of relief. We have our good "moments" but they just seem so few and far.
Thank you in advance for listening and any feedback.
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