About a month ago, I accidentally found porn on my husband's computer. It was a legitimate accident, and I've been scared to confront him, because I was afraid he'd think I was intentionally snooping, which I was not. I've always trusted him and thought we had the kind of relationship where we didn't hide things from each other, so I've never been the snooping type, but I'm so disturbed by what I found.
For awhile now, my husband claims to have "no sex drive.' He never initiates sex with me, and when I try, half the time he either ignores my attempt, or does get the hint, but has a hard time "finishing" if you know what I mean. I've tried to talk to him about it before, told him I need more affection than what I'm getting, etc...nothing changes though. We've been married almost 3 years and I had just sort of started to accept that my husband doesn't need as much sex as I'd like. Seriously, he can go months without any. :( It bothered me, but I had no resentment towards him about it. I'd approached him in a gentle and understanding way plenty of times, and I had just accepted that this is just the way he is.
Until I stumbled across porn on his computer. I was really shocked. I figured he watched it once in awhile, which I honestly don't have a problem with, however after looking a little closer, he's watching porn literally any time he's home alone. Literally any time I leave the house for more than an hour, he's viewing porn. It looks like he may have even been watching it while I was upstairs sleeping (yet he won't come on to me! he says he has no sex drive! bull****.) I am so hurt that he ignores me, tells me he just doesn't have much of a sex drive, yet he's jerking off daily. He's googling images of women who look nothing like me, and it just really hurts. It's like he wants someone else :( I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not a monster! I think I'm fairly attractive.....I wish he thought so too. It really hurts.
A few nights ago, I so badly wanted to tell him what I'd found, but I'm too scared. I was talking to him about his "no sex drive issue" since he's agreed to see a doctor and get tested for low testosterone (appointment next week), and just flat out gave him the opportunity to come clean. I said to him, "do you look at porn?" and he said that he has in the past, but very very infrequently, and even went so far as to say that in the 6 years we've been together, it's probably been less than a dozen times that he's even looked. I knew he was lying right to my face, as I'd already seen the extravagant amount of porn he's viewing on a daily basis. I reminded him that I'm his wife and he can tell me ANYTHING, and that if he has anything to tell me, such as a porn problem, and affair, etc, that now would be the time to talk to me about it. He assured me that there was nothing else going on that was causing his problem in the bedroom. The thing that scared me is that if I didn't alrea dy know he was lying, I would't have been able to tell. He's voice didn't change, his eyes didn't wander, he could look me right in the eyes as he was lying. It freaked me out. What else has he been lying about, you know? Until now, I've always trusted him completely. I've believed from the bottom of my heart that he was an honest man, and it hurts to know that I was fooled. I didn't know what to say, so I just said "OK"
I'm so hurt that he doesn't want me sexually, yet jerks off to porn daily. I feel like I'm repulsive and disgusting. I feel like I'm not enough. I've spent the past few weeks trying to figure out how to confront him about it and it's eating me up inside. I thought that maybe with some counseling we could possibly work on it. But, then he lied to me, and that changed everything. I don't know what to do now. I don't know if this marriage is going to work. I can't stand the thought of being married to someone who can lie right to my face and not even flinch. I gave him the opportunity to be honest, reassured him that he can share any secretes with me, and he still lied. All of it just hurts so much. I feel like I deserve better. I'm not perfect, but I deserve someone who is sexually attracted to me and doesn't need to view porn daily and be ignoring me. I deserve someone who respects me enough not to lie to my face when I'm coming to them with an open mind and open heart.
I need to tell him what I've found. I'm ready to tell him, and I hope he'll understand that I wasn't spying on him, it was a legitimate accident. But, once I tell him, I don't know where to go from there. I'm not sure if I'm really to pull the trigger on divorce, but I also can't share a bed with someone who I'm so disgusted by and can't trust. I'm just really hurting and don't know what to do.
For awhile now, my husband claims to have "no sex drive.' He never initiates sex with me, and when I try, half the time he either ignores my attempt, or does get the hint, but has a hard time "finishing" if you know what I mean. I've tried to talk to him about it before, told him I need more affection than what I'm getting, etc...nothing changes though. We've been married almost 3 years and I had just sort of started to accept that my husband doesn't need as much sex as I'd like. Seriously, he can go months without any. :( It bothered me, but I had no resentment towards him about it. I'd approached him in a gentle and understanding way plenty of times, and I had just accepted that this is just the way he is.
Until I stumbled across porn on his computer. I was really shocked. I figured he watched it once in awhile, which I honestly don't have a problem with, however after looking a little closer, he's watching porn literally any time he's home alone. Literally any time I leave the house for more than an hour, he's viewing porn. It looks like he may have even been watching it while I was upstairs sleeping (yet he won't come on to me! he says he has no sex drive! bull****.) I am so hurt that he ignores me, tells me he just doesn't have much of a sex drive, yet he's jerking off daily. He's googling images of women who look nothing like me, and it just really hurts. It's like he wants someone else :( I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not a monster! I think I'm fairly attractive.....I wish he thought so too. It really hurts.
A few nights ago, I so badly wanted to tell him what I'd found, but I'm too scared. I was talking to him about his "no sex drive issue" since he's agreed to see a doctor and get tested for low testosterone (appointment next week), and just flat out gave him the opportunity to come clean. I said to him, "do you look at porn?" and he said that he has in the past, but very very infrequently, and even went so far as to say that in the 6 years we've been together, it's probably been less than a dozen times that he's even looked. I knew he was lying right to my face, as I'd already seen the extravagant amount of porn he's viewing on a daily basis. I reminded him that I'm his wife and he can tell me ANYTHING, and that if he has anything to tell me, such as a porn problem, and affair, etc, that now would be the time to talk to me about it. He assured me that there was nothing else going on that was causing his problem in the bedroom. The thing that scared me is that if I didn't alrea dy know he was lying, I would't have been able to tell. He's voice didn't change, his eyes didn't wander, he could look me right in the eyes as he was lying. It freaked me out. What else has he been lying about, you know? Until now, I've always trusted him completely. I've believed from the bottom of my heart that he was an honest man, and it hurts to know that I was fooled. I didn't know what to say, so I just said "OK"
I'm so hurt that he doesn't want me sexually, yet jerks off to porn daily. I feel like I'm repulsive and disgusting. I feel like I'm not enough. I've spent the past few weeks trying to figure out how to confront him about it and it's eating me up inside. I thought that maybe with some counseling we could possibly work on it. But, then he lied to me, and that changed everything. I don't know what to do now. I don't know if this marriage is going to work. I can't stand the thought of being married to someone who can lie right to my face and not even flinch. I gave him the opportunity to be honest, reassured him that he can share any secretes with me, and he still lied. All of it just hurts so much. I feel like I deserve better. I'm not perfect, but I deserve someone who is sexually attracted to me and doesn't need to view porn daily and be ignoring me. I deserve someone who respects me enough not to lie to my face when I'm coming to them with an open mind and open heart.
I need to tell him what I've found. I'm ready to tell him, and I hope he'll understand that I wasn't spying on him, it was a legitimate accident. But, once I tell him, I don't know where to go from there. I'm not sure if I'm really to pull the trigger on divorce, but I also can't share a bed with someone who I'm so disgusted by and can't trust. I'm just really hurting and don't know what to do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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