We've been married more than 10yrs now - and I love her more than I can say, she's gorgeous, she's wonderful, she's everything good, but for the last year or two, when she starts talking about her day at work everyday, and all of the intricate details of every interaction with every person, every program she is working on, every detail for every part she is engineering, all of the long stories or whatever is taking place, I cant take it. I tune out. I feel like I'm enduring rather than engaging. I find myself saying "uh huh" and "mmm", and not having a clue what she is saying at some point. I want to be interested, but I'm just not anymore where this is concerned. I feel like running for the hills, or hiding out when I hear these discussions begin.
I'm an "in a nutshell" sort of personality. I also work in a very complicated engineering field that is quite different than hers - but when I want to discuss something about my work day, I generalize, simplify, and I don't describe every detail. I assume from the start, that my family does not understand (or want to understand) the intricacies of subnetting, intrusion detection, or packet capture analysis, etc. and so I don't force it on them or waste their time trying to teach them about it. It is enough to say, "I was working on something today that was difficult, and so-and-so said or did this..." that's it.
Over the first 8 years or so, I was able to handle it better. I remember interacting with her when she would start rambling - but I just cant anymore. Now I get calls during the day on her way to work, during her lunch, over dinner, and at night on the couch, and it's always. about the same. things. over. and over.
My mother was a destructive narcissistic personality, void of empathy for others. As such, I've had struggles over my lifetime with being empathetic for others. I've made good progress though and I try my best to listen to people, and put myself into their shoes when they talk to me.
I guess I'm trying to differentiate whether this is a normal thing that happens in a long term relationship (and if so - what are good ways to manage it without hurting her feelings), or is this me and my empathy struggles. I dont know - but it's driving me insane.
I'm an "in a nutshell" sort of personality. I also work in a very complicated engineering field that is quite different than hers - but when I want to discuss something about my work day, I generalize, simplify, and I don't describe every detail. I assume from the start, that my family does not understand (or want to understand) the intricacies of subnetting, intrusion detection, or packet capture analysis, etc. and so I don't force it on them or waste their time trying to teach them about it. It is enough to say, "I was working on something today that was difficult, and so-and-so said or did this..." that's it.
Over the first 8 years or so, I was able to handle it better. I remember interacting with her when she would start rambling - but I just cant anymore. Now I get calls during the day on her way to work, during her lunch, over dinner, and at night on the couch, and it's always. about the same. things. over. and over.
My mother was a destructive narcissistic personality, void of empathy for others. As such, I've had struggles over my lifetime with being empathetic for others. I've made good progress though and I try my best to listen to people, and put myself into their shoes when they talk to me.
I guess I'm trying to differentiate whether this is a normal thing that happens in a long term relationship (and if so - what are good ways to manage it without hurting her feelings), or is this me and my empathy struggles. I dont know - but it's driving me insane.
Put the internet to work for you.
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