My husband and I have been working on things for 3 or so years. He came to me initially and said he was unhappy. It was actually a really great conversation and we both shared how overwhelmed and disconnected things had become over the years. We have a 14, 11 and 7 year old. The baby years were tough. He felt particularly disconnected physically. We went to counseling, a sex therapist, recognized it was more than not enough sex but that we needed to work on our communication, etc... We worked on both communication and our physical relationship, both improved a lot.
Trying to boil this down is tough.
Anyway, a year or so ago, he told me he was still unhappy and thought he wanted to separate. He feels we are incompatible and that he is in over his head. I felt we had been working hard and making good progress. He still felt things were not where he wanted them to be. We kept working on our communication skills. He continued with therapy for himself because he felt much of this was him figuring out who he is.
In May, he shared that he still thought he wanted to separate but wanted to give it 3 more months and was going to go on an antidepressant to see if that helped with his emotions. I agreed to wait 3 more months, I love him, I wanted this to work out. We had a good summer, spent good family time, were physical, felt connected. The waiting and limbo has been hard for me. We were still intimate, he still told me he loves me. This week, I told him I needed an answer, the waiting and wondering was too hard and unfair. He said he still wants to separate.
If he had been a jerk, had an affair, told me he wasnt in love anymore, this would make more sense. However, that is not how things have gone. Also, it is hard for me to process that he is willing to do this not just to me but to our kids.
I think he feels he is a more solitary person. He let me lead most of our life and now is in a situation where he just isn't happy and can't keep up and feel like himself. I sort of feel like it is a midlife crisis but it doesn't really matter what it is, the fact is, he is moving out.
I guess I'm hoping to connect with someone who has experienced something similar and can give some guidance, support, insight. Thanks.
Trying to boil this down is tough.
Anyway, a year or so ago, he told me he was still unhappy and thought he wanted to separate. He feels we are incompatible and that he is in over his head. I felt we had been working hard and making good progress. He still felt things were not where he wanted them to be. We kept working on our communication skills. He continued with therapy for himself because he felt much of this was him figuring out who he is.
In May, he shared that he still thought he wanted to separate but wanted to give it 3 more months and was going to go on an antidepressant to see if that helped with his emotions. I agreed to wait 3 more months, I love him, I wanted this to work out. We had a good summer, spent good family time, were physical, felt connected. The waiting and limbo has been hard for me. We were still intimate, he still told me he loves me. This week, I told him I needed an answer, the waiting and wondering was too hard and unfair. He said he still wants to separate.
If he had been a jerk, had an affair, told me he wasnt in love anymore, this would make more sense. However, that is not how things have gone. Also, it is hard for me to process that he is willing to do this not just to me but to our kids.
I think he feels he is a more solitary person. He let me lead most of our life and now is in a situation where he just isn't happy and can't keep up and feel like himself. I sort of feel like it is a midlife crisis but it doesn't really matter what it is, the fact is, he is moving out.
I guess I'm hoping to connect with someone who has experienced something similar and can give some guidance, support, insight. Thanks.
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