Sorry this is so long but I wanted to get as many details as possible in here so I can get good advice. I got married in 2005 to my wife and we have 2 sons together. I found out a little over a year ago that my wife was cheating on me with her boss. This was a job that she had for 6 years already. I had no evidence that it was physical but there were hundreds of texts sent between them each day while she was at work. The texts would be deleted by her almost immediately and I only knew about them because of our phone records. Her call logs would also be mysteriously deleted everyday. I confronted her with the texts and she cried and got on her knees begging me for another chance. I truly thought she was sincere so I believed her. She said she was only talking to him for attention and that the relationship never went physical. She texted him that they need to stop talking and he text her back and said ok. She showed me those texts so I truly thought it was over. A couple weeks later, I was checking her laptop and I discovered that all she did was stop texting him and started to email him using her work email to contact him. I could not read the actual emails since I didn't know the password but by looking through the history, I was able to see some of the titles to the emails. I did some more snooping and using find my iphone, I tracked her down during her lunch break and she was sitting in his car giving him what looked like oral sex. I say oral sex because I was about 50 feet away and she came up, saw me, and got out the car. He tried getting away but I tracked him down. I almost killed him that day and it was none other than the good Lord that restrained me from doing that. After that, I moved out briefly, moved back in, told her I wasn't happy and that we should get a divorce. I also was able to track down his wife via Facebook and I told her everything that went down. I figured that she should know what kind of man she w as married to and how we contributed to destroying my life. As far as my wife, Originally, she seemed somewhat remorseful and she admitted that they kissed but it never went further. She also tried to protect him as much as possible and say that it was her that did everything. I tried my best to work on the marriage after this but it was hard since she thought I should get over it easily and stop bringing it up. Eventually, she changed her story and said that she only said that they kissed because she wanted me to come back home for the kids. She said that there was no relationship at all and they were only have lunch. She called me jealous and accused me of spying on her. We tried going to counseling but I feel that it made the situation worse since the counselor was on her side and said I should believe that nothing happened if I truly want to move on. I know what I saw and I have all the text messages. She said that I didn't know what a good woman I had so she decided to move out right after Christmas to "Teach me a lesson". I was so angry and disgusted that I immediately filed for divorce. It totally ripped me apart because I never thought I would have to go through something like this but yet, here I am.
The deal was that I would get the house and she would get the kids. I had already been threatening to file for divorce months prior but she knew I was bluffing. When I had her served the papers at work, she saw that it was real. I've been trying to divorce her since April since that is when the waiting period was over but she refused to sign the paperwork. She agreed to everything but kept making excuses about signing it. Later on, I found out through some mutual friends that she didn't want a divorce at all and she was just waiting for me to cool off so I could ask her to move back in and try to start over. Anyway, the court scheduled a trial on merits back in July and I showed up with a lawyer I hired at the last minute just in case something went wrong. My ex did not show up so we thought the divorce would be easy. The problem was that the court sent the trial date summons to her job and not to her home of record. I knew for sure that my ex knew the court date because we discussed that but the judge said that she can't grant the divorce unless the paper is sent to her home since they have to be sure that she received it. Because of that, I'm still married and the next court date will be in September.
The past year has been a ride from hell. I have plenty of sleepless nights and I go through bouts of anger. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that day and knock his teeth out when I had the chance. Also, my ex has been telling everyone that I filed for divorce because I came to her job and saw her having lunch with her boss. It pisses me off because some people actually believe her! What kind of dead beat ******* would I be to throw away 10 years of marriage with 2 kids because I saw my wife have lunch with her boss? That would make me an idiot and appear as a very jealous person. Her lies are literally ruining my reputation. I know I shouldn't care what other people think but I wonder about my children. The oldest is 7 and I'm sure that one day, he will learn to believe this lie. Anyway, she retained a lawyer since the last court date and her lawyer has contacted my lawyer. Not only is my ex asking for an insane amount of child support (roughly 70% of my income) she also w ants alimony. She told her lawyer the same lie about having lunch and my lawyer said that it isn't true. Her lawyer asked for proof of her cheating and my lawyer said that we will provide it. I told my lawyer that I can get the phone records from T-mobile but I can't get the actual transcripts without a court order. I also can't access the emails from her job but I'm willing to bet that they are stored on a server there since this is a very huge and well known organization. I'm sure we could probably get those with a court order too. My ex caught wind of all of this and called me telling my not to tell her job because she will lose her job. She said that she would sign the divorce paper at any time but that I should leave her job out of it. I told her that if she was only having lunch, she would have quite a lawsuit against the company if they fired her for that. My lawyer has told me that evidence of her cheating could tip things in my favor as far as the division of proper ty.
All of this has opened my eyes to the fact that my children don't belong with her. I won't go into details since this is already long enough but for many reasons, my sons are better of living with me. One detail that I will add is that my ex isn't natively from this country. She sent our youngest (3) with his grandmother to their home country for "vacation" and after a while of them being there, she told me that she will keep him there until he is 5. I had to take time off to buy a ticket and without telling her, I flew over there to get him back in May. I came back with him and his passport is in my possession. She has threatened and harassed me about the passport but I told her she will get it over my dead body. She also has my oldest son's passport but I don't think she will send him away since he is currently already in school. I can't be sure about that but in short, this incident along with several others have prompted me to change my mind and go for custody of both my sons.
This leads to my question. Should I contact her job about this? My mom says that I'm an idiot for not telling them what happened as soon as it went down. I will admit that I've always been the one to avoid confrontation but this whole episode has pushed me over the edge. I still have trouble sleeping when I think about the fact that they are still working there and they are directly manager and subordinate. I doubt the relationship is still going on since I told his wife and he also has 2 kids to lose. I don't think he would risk that by continuing to be with my ex. Still, I've been thinking about writing a letter to their HR, EO, and president about what happened. I would also attach the phone records showing all of the text messages. Would I be doing this for revenge? Maybe so since I really do hate both of them. On the flip side, I don't know if I could legally get in trouble for doing this. Also, the timing is sensitive now since I will be going for custody. Chances are t hat if I email this to enough people there, she will lose her job. Maybe if that happens and she is awarded custody, I may have to pay more alimony since she isn't working. She has now college education and this job is hard to come by so she will be in a bad position if she loses it. Still, I don't know if writing them a letter will make me feel any better about this situation or if it will harm me further down the line. I only ask this here since I've read tons and tons of advice that I'm thankful for. I'm just kind of stuck now and don't know exactly how or if I should move forward with this. Thanks to anyone who can help.
The deal was that I would get the house and she would get the kids. I had already been threatening to file for divorce months prior but she knew I was bluffing. When I had her served the papers at work, she saw that it was real. I've been trying to divorce her since April since that is when the waiting period was over but she refused to sign the paperwork. She agreed to everything but kept making excuses about signing it. Later on, I found out through some mutual friends that she didn't want a divorce at all and she was just waiting for me to cool off so I could ask her to move back in and try to start over. Anyway, the court scheduled a trial on merits back in July and I showed up with a lawyer I hired at the last minute just in case something went wrong. My ex did not show up so we thought the divorce would be easy. The problem was that the court sent the trial date summons to her job and not to her home of record. I knew for sure that my ex knew the court date because we discussed that but the judge said that she can't grant the divorce unless the paper is sent to her home since they have to be sure that she received it. Because of that, I'm still married and the next court date will be in September.
The past year has been a ride from hell. I have plenty of sleepless nights and I go through bouts of anger. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that day and knock his teeth out when I had the chance. Also, my ex has been telling everyone that I filed for divorce because I came to her job and saw her having lunch with her boss. It pisses me off because some people actually believe her! What kind of dead beat ******* would I be to throw away 10 years of marriage with 2 kids because I saw my wife have lunch with her boss? That would make me an idiot and appear as a very jealous person. Her lies are literally ruining my reputation. I know I shouldn't care what other people think but I wonder about my children. The oldest is 7 and I'm sure that one day, he will learn to believe this lie. Anyway, she retained a lawyer since the last court date and her lawyer has contacted my lawyer. Not only is my ex asking for an insane amount of child support (roughly 70% of my income) she also w ants alimony. She told her lawyer the same lie about having lunch and my lawyer said that it isn't true. Her lawyer asked for proof of her cheating and my lawyer said that we will provide it. I told my lawyer that I can get the phone records from T-mobile but I can't get the actual transcripts without a court order. I also can't access the emails from her job but I'm willing to bet that they are stored on a server there since this is a very huge and well known organization. I'm sure we could probably get those with a court order too. My ex caught wind of all of this and called me telling my not to tell her job because she will lose her job. She said that she would sign the divorce paper at any time but that I should leave her job out of it. I told her that if she was only having lunch, she would have quite a lawsuit against the company if they fired her for that. My lawyer has told me that evidence of her cheating could tip things in my favor as far as the division of proper ty.
All of this has opened my eyes to the fact that my children don't belong with her. I won't go into details since this is already long enough but for many reasons, my sons are better of living with me. One detail that I will add is that my ex isn't natively from this country. She sent our youngest (3) with his grandmother to their home country for "vacation" and after a while of them being there, she told me that she will keep him there until he is 5. I had to take time off to buy a ticket and without telling her, I flew over there to get him back in May. I came back with him and his passport is in my possession. She has threatened and harassed me about the passport but I told her she will get it over my dead body. She also has my oldest son's passport but I don't think she will send him away since he is currently already in school. I can't be sure about that but in short, this incident along with several others have prompted me to change my mind and go for custody of both my sons.
This leads to my question. Should I contact her job about this? My mom says that I'm an idiot for not telling them what happened as soon as it went down. I will admit that I've always been the one to avoid confrontation but this whole episode has pushed me over the edge. I still have trouble sleeping when I think about the fact that they are still working there and they are directly manager and subordinate. I doubt the relationship is still going on since I told his wife and he also has 2 kids to lose. I don't think he would risk that by continuing to be with my ex. Still, I've been thinking about writing a letter to their HR, EO, and president about what happened. I would also attach the phone records showing all of the text messages. Would I be doing this for revenge? Maybe so since I really do hate both of them. On the flip side, I don't know if I could legally get in trouble for doing this. Also, the timing is sensitive now since I will be going for custody. Chances are t hat if I email this to enough people there, she will lose her job. Maybe if that happens and she is awarded custody, I may have to pay more alimony since she isn't working. She has now college education and this job is hard to come by so she will be in a bad position if she loses it. Still, I don't know if writing them a letter will make me feel any better about this situation or if it will harm me further down the line. I only ask this here since I've read tons and tons of advice that I'm thankful for. I'm just kind of stuck now and don't know exactly how or if I should move forward with this. Thanks to anyone who can help.
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