Hi all,
I just wanted to reach out and get some of my feelings out there and solicit opinions.
My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have two young children. Once our children were born, I felt like I was bearing more of the load around the house. Doing laundry, dishes, etc. I take care of the kids in the morning (my wife goes to the gym, but gets home in time to make lunches). I think I bear the brunt of house work in addition to being the main provider. My wife works part time, but I am the bread winner.
We had some rough years, and during those years my wife had some affairs. There is a long history there, and it almost ended our marriage, but my wife got into counseling and was making progress. I got to a point where I was able to let go of all of the pain from the affairs and forgive. We had a week or two where we were really close and things seemed great.
Then over the last week or two, my resentment has come back. I feel like my wife is not as engaged with the family as I am and it is wearing on me. My wife to me sometimes seems selfish and self-centered. For example, the other day I was grumpy because I was feeling resentful. I was quiet and withdrawn all day. My wife asked my what was wrong and asked if it was her. I told her I didn't know. She texted me later and told me that I hurt her feelings. It was all about her and her feelings, not my feelings. So I had to apologize, even though I was the one that was hurting. I feel like I always have to apologize and my wife never apologizes.
I am not sure what to do. Things are fine when I swallow my pride and let it all go. But when my resentment starts to build up, then we start to have problems. We have talked about these issues at length but it doesn't seem to sink in.
There are other issues we are dealing with. I feel like we have a hard time communicating. We have different priorities with our kids. I feel like we all make a lot of sacrifices for her, and she doesn't express enough appreciation for it. Her multiple affairs would have been a deal breaker for most others, but I have forgiven her and have tried to be very supportive. And I just feel like she is taking that for granted.
In any event, those are just some of my thoughts and issues right now. I'd be interested to hear any comments/perspectives. We tried couples counseling a few months ago but that was mostly focused on the affairs and only lasted a few sessions.
I just wanted to reach out and get some of my feelings out there and solicit opinions.
My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have two young children. Once our children were born, I felt like I was bearing more of the load around the house. Doing laundry, dishes, etc. I take care of the kids in the morning (my wife goes to the gym, but gets home in time to make lunches). I think I bear the brunt of house work in addition to being the main provider. My wife works part time, but I am the bread winner.
We had some rough years, and during those years my wife had some affairs. There is a long history there, and it almost ended our marriage, but my wife got into counseling and was making progress. I got to a point where I was able to let go of all of the pain from the affairs and forgive. We had a week or two where we were really close and things seemed great.
Then over the last week or two, my resentment has come back. I feel like my wife is not as engaged with the family as I am and it is wearing on me. My wife to me sometimes seems selfish and self-centered. For example, the other day I was grumpy because I was feeling resentful. I was quiet and withdrawn all day. My wife asked my what was wrong and asked if it was her. I told her I didn't know. She texted me later and told me that I hurt her feelings. It was all about her and her feelings, not my feelings. So I had to apologize, even though I was the one that was hurting. I feel like I always have to apologize and my wife never apologizes.
I am not sure what to do. Things are fine when I swallow my pride and let it all go. But when my resentment starts to build up, then we start to have problems. We have talked about these issues at length but it doesn't seem to sink in.
There are other issues we are dealing with. I feel like we have a hard time communicating. We have different priorities with our kids. I feel like we all make a lot of sacrifices for her, and she doesn't express enough appreciation for it. Her multiple affairs would have been a deal breaker for most others, but I have forgiven her and have tried to be very supportive. And I just feel like she is taking that for granted.
In any event, those are just some of my thoughts and issues right now. I'd be interested to hear any comments/perspectives. We tried couples counseling a few months ago but that was mostly focused on the affairs and only lasted a few sessions.
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