I'm 24.
I had my first kiss and first boyfriend when I was 16. We'd known each other since we were 9 and had been friends through primary school. We went to separate secondary schools and we never kept in touch (as most people don't at that age I guess) and then by complete chance we ended up at the same college when we were 16. We remembered each other and started dating and I lost my virginity to him - very soon afterwards broke up with me and I was totally heartbroken. We still attended college together for another year and he completely ignored me and acted as though I didn't exist, he also told all of his friends about things we'd done. I became very isolated at college and only stayed so I could get into university otherwise I would have left.
I didn't get over it for about 2 years and even then, I still thought about him over the years. I had another relationship with another guy while I was a teenager but I'd lost the ability to trust by then and things ended with him. Since then I've kissed men during uni (I got in :)) and after (I can count them on one hand) and had a relationship of sorts with a colleague when I graduated - it wasn't 'official' and we never had sex but we were very close, we went for dinner a lot, went to watch films together and would spend time at each others flats, stay over and be intimate. We drifted after a while when he moved jobs, the communication just slowed down until it was zero. I never chase guys since I really chased my first boyfriend and was ultimately humiliated and I feel now that if a man doesn't contact me then that's my cue to move on. So I moved on....until 12 months later when I text him to say I still thought about him. We got together for one night because I said I w anted to see him and start over. He invited me to his place and it was clear he wanted sex. I tactfully declined and since then there's been zero contact. So that's the end of that.
So now I'm 24 (almost 25) and the last time I slept with someone was when I was 16 with my childhood sweetheart because I don't trust that anyone will stay with me afterwards. It's only in the last 2 years that I've got used to the idea of letting someone into my life again and trying to trust someone. But it will be really awkward/scary for me and whoever I end up with is going to think I'm a liar when I tell them I'm not a virgin. I've had intimate experience with men but I've only had sex once.
How would you feel about that? Part of me thinks it's not even something I need to disclose but then I think it might be pretty obvious to a guy and if I'm going to be in a relationship I'd like to be honest with that person.
TL;DR: Basically, I've never had an adult relationship/long term relationship and I'm really inexperienced with sex.
Thoughts?
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