Hi all
I'm having a really difficult time right now, and need some advice and opinions.
I've been married to my wife for 2 and a half years. We've been together for 6 years. I'm 29, she's 32.
Recently we've had a few issues in the bedroom, with me wanting it more, and feeling that she wasn't really that keen, although it's still been pretty compatible. More recently she's had some health issues, and had a major abdominal operation 3 weeks ago to rid her of endometriosis. This has left her in bed for the past 3 weeks, and only going back to work this week.
We'd reached a point in our marriage where we were looking at houses, and next year starting a family. We'd pretty much agreed on where we were heading.
She's been acting out over the last 2 months and mentioning lack of intimacy, how she doesn't lust me etc. I thought it would pass. But I noticed last week how she'd stopped sending me house options to look at. I was worried about what this meant, so I dug deeper with her on the issue, and then she hit me with a massive bombshell. She said that she was reconsidering stuff, and wasn't sure any more. That she's come to realise that she really loves me, but has never really felt a deep lust or real physical attraction to me. She said she needs to take a while to think things over. She may see a therapist about this.
This shook me like you won't believe. It was also incredibly perplexing. I mean, I have my flaws like everyone, but I've been a pretty perfect husband. I'm a good looking guy (if I have to say so myself ). In terms of our marriage, I think it's good. We're good companions, we fight rarely. We laugh together, have similar interests and kind of 'get' each other. The physical attraction thing hurts, but when you put it up against all the positive aspects of us, surely its something she can look past? We're ok in the bedroom. Compatible, if slightly measured and unspontaneous. But for me that's not such a bad thing when you've been together for 6 years. Things naturally fade a bit. I'll be the first to admit maybe I got a bit complacent and stopped doing the little romantic things. But I've realised that and I'm keen to fix it.
She's had partners in the past. Probably around 6 sexual partners. So she's been through that phase. For me on the other hand, she's the only person I've ever properly been with. It's a slight issue for me, but I've made peace with it, purely because I'm happy to be with her. She's my one, and that's ok for me. I love her incredibly. My gut feel is that we'll probably end up being ok, but the relationship is suddenly up in the air and anything is possible.
I need some advice, because I'm a wreck and don't know what to do.
Firstly, her decision might take months. I'm a wreck. In bits. How am I supposed to function properly over the period? There's a constant knot in my stomach. This is my wife. The woman I built my life around, she's my everything. If I lose her it would destroy me.
Secondly, is there anything I can do over this period to make it better in some way? How do I act around her. If I go crazy at the gym and make myself look better (I already have a decent body) will it make a difference? How can I make her want me and realise I'm the one without a doubt?
Really need help because I'm going up the wall.
I'm having a really difficult time right now, and need some advice and opinions.
I've been married to my wife for 2 and a half years. We've been together for 6 years. I'm 29, she's 32.
Recently we've had a few issues in the bedroom, with me wanting it more, and feeling that she wasn't really that keen, although it's still been pretty compatible. More recently she's had some health issues, and had a major abdominal operation 3 weeks ago to rid her of endometriosis. This has left her in bed for the past 3 weeks, and only going back to work this week.
We'd reached a point in our marriage where we were looking at houses, and next year starting a family. We'd pretty much agreed on where we were heading.
She's been acting out over the last 2 months and mentioning lack of intimacy, how she doesn't lust me etc. I thought it would pass. But I noticed last week how she'd stopped sending me house options to look at. I was worried about what this meant, so I dug deeper with her on the issue, and then she hit me with a massive bombshell. She said that she was reconsidering stuff, and wasn't sure any more. That she's come to realise that she really loves me, but has never really felt a deep lust or real physical attraction to me. She said she needs to take a while to think things over. She may see a therapist about this.
This shook me like you won't believe. It was also incredibly perplexing. I mean, I have my flaws like everyone, but I've been a pretty perfect husband. I'm a good looking guy (if I have to say so myself ). In terms of our marriage, I think it's good. We're good companions, we fight rarely. We laugh together, have similar interests and kind of 'get' each other. The physical attraction thing hurts, but when you put it up against all the positive aspects of us, surely its something she can look past? We're ok in the bedroom. Compatible, if slightly measured and unspontaneous. But for me that's not such a bad thing when you've been together for 6 years. Things naturally fade a bit. I'll be the first to admit maybe I got a bit complacent and stopped doing the little romantic things. But I've realised that and I'm keen to fix it.
She's had partners in the past. Probably around 6 sexual partners. So she's been through that phase. For me on the other hand, she's the only person I've ever properly been with. It's a slight issue for me, but I've made peace with it, purely because I'm happy to be with her. She's my one, and that's ok for me. I love her incredibly. My gut feel is that we'll probably end up being ok, but the relationship is suddenly up in the air and anything is possible.
I need some advice, because I'm a wreck and don't know what to do.
Firstly, her decision might take months. I'm a wreck. In bits. How am I supposed to function properly over the period? There's a constant knot in my stomach. This is my wife. The woman I built my life around, she's my everything. If I lose her it would destroy me.
Secondly, is there anything I can do over this period to make it better in some way? How do I act around her. If I go crazy at the gym and make myself look better (I already have a decent body) will it make a difference? How can I make her want me and realise I'm the one without a doubt?
Really need help because I'm going up the wall.
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