My husband and I have been married for 14 years with no kids. I feel like I have lost my identity because everything about my marriage seems to be connected to my husbands wants and needs rather than mine. He does suffer from bouts of depression, which amount to a slightly exaggerated version of his normal negative self. Every single day when I come home I am immediately hit with a story about how he hates his job and has a hopeless career. When he's done with that story, I have to hear about his headache or some other physical problem that he's dealing with. then it goes on to discussions about his new sports car, and how it has imperfections etc. etc.. Then I will tell him a funny story about what happened to me at work and he doesn't laugh with me, he barely responds or says he doesn't find it funny.
I have told him several times that I am tired of hearing the complaining and that I felt he doesn't seem to care about me because he never makes an effort to talk about or do things that make me happy, it's all about his issues. He responds by saying that I don't do that for him either. Maybe it seems I don't do that because everything is already about him, and the fact that I listen to even half of what I listen to is probably more than I should be doing!
Now I am not saying he never shows concern for me, he will throw me a bone here and there. Like we were in the book store the other day and he found two books he knew I would like and bought them for me. But still 95% of our daily lives is about him. I know someone will mention counseling and he refuses to go, saying it doesn't help. I see counselor weekly. Just wanted to hear some opinions because I feel like I am brainwashed by the way I have lived for so long and I can't look at anything objectively any more.
I have told him several times that I am tired of hearing the complaining and that I felt he doesn't seem to care about me because he never makes an effort to talk about or do things that make me happy, it's all about his issues. He responds by saying that I don't do that for him either. Maybe it seems I don't do that because everything is already about him, and the fact that I listen to even half of what I listen to is probably more than I should be doing!
Now I am not saying he never shows concern for me, he will throw me a bone here and there. Like we were in the book store the other day and he found two books he knew I would like and bought them for me. But still 95% of our daily lives is about him. I know someone will mention counseling and he refuses to go, saying it doesn't help. I see counselor weekly. Just wanted to hear some opinions because I feel like I am brainwashed by the way I have lived for so long and I can't look at anything objectively any more.
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