I am at a loss and I am not sure what to do. My wife and I have been together for just over five years.
The beginning of our relationship was rocky; with a lot of issues related to my finding out things about her that she had kept hidden. Each time I would find something, we would have a big fight, she would tell me "never again...". These were not small things; she has an amazing ability to hide things about herself or what she has done. Despite her closeness to me, her telling me how much she loves me, she will bury major lies, especially if she thinks they might put her in a bad light or upset me, and act like nothing ever happened.
At the time, most this came out, we were early in the relationship and some of the things I eventually learned probably could have just stayed in the past. Some of them she should have told me. It was a really stressful time for me.
That being said, she is a caring, sweet, loving lady who does her best to take care of me and support me. Yet, every now and again, I will find that she kept something from me, and all the bad feelings come back.
Times now are tough for us. I lost my job and our small side business is not doing well. So we are in a scrape and save mode until I can pick up some work. Makes for pretty tense days and its taking a toll on me. I happen to be reviewing our bank accounts and I find a number of ATM withdrawals at the casino on the other side of town. I ask her what the deal is and it turns out she had gone one afternoon a few weeks back and pissed away $300.
It's not that she blew the cash, yes it did and still does upset me; we don't have $300 sitting around to blow. But I can understand her just wanting to blow off some steam and maybe she thought she could win something. That's all well and good. No, what really hurts is that she once again hid the fact that she went there at all. I would never have known if I hadn't noticed the withdrawals. Like I said, she is incredibly good at hiding things. So once again, all the bad feelings come back. I can't trust her. It makes everything she does and says, suspect. I hate that feeling, makes me feel petty.
Don't know what to do. Talking about it will just lead to another fight, and at the end she will just give me the "never again.." BS, until the next time. At the same time, who wants to be sitting next to a person you just can't trust is really who she says she is and means what she says. It's incredibly frustrating. Today it's a trip to a casino, tomorrow it's a bigger lie. Just don't know what to do.
The beginning of our relationship was rocky; with a lot of issues related to my finding out things about her that she had kept hidden. Each time I would find something, we would have a big fight, she would tell me "never again...". These were not small things; she has an amazing ability to hide things about herself or what she has done. Despite her closeness to me, her telling me how much she loves me, she will bury major lies, especially if she thinks they might put her in a bad light or upset me, and act like nothing ever happened.
At the time, most this came out, we were early in the relationship and some of the things I eventually learned probably could have just stayed in the past. Some of them she should have told me. It was a really stressful time for me.
That being said, she is a caring, sweet, loving lady who does her best to take care of me and support me. Yet, every now and again, I will find that she kept something from me, and all the bad feelings come back.
Times now are tough for us. I lost my job and our small side business is not doing well. So we are in a scrape and save mode until I can pick up some work. Makes for pretty tense days and its taking a toll on me. I happen to be reviewing our bank accounts and I find a number of ATM withdrawals at the casino on the other side of town. I ask her what the deal is and it turns out she had gone one afternoon a few weeks back and pissed away $300.
It's not that she blew the cash, yes it did and still does upset me; we don't have $300 sitting around to blow. But I can understand her just wanting to blow off some steam and maybe she thought she could win something. That's all well and good. No, what really hurts is that she once again hid the fact that she went there at all. I would never have known if I hadn't noticed the withdrawals. Like I said, she is incredibly good at hiding things. So once again, all the bad feelings come back. I can't trust her. It makes everything she does and says, suspect. I hate that feeling, makes me feel petty.
Don't know what to do. Talking about it will just lead to another fight, and at the end she will just give me the "never again.." BS, until the next time. At the same time, who wants to be sitting next to a person you just can't trust is really who she says she is and means what she says. It's incredibly frustrating. Today it's a trip to a casino, tomorrow it's a bigger lie. Just don't know what to do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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