My husband started a new job a few months ago and has had to go to a few week long training days. In February I went to pay our cell phone bill and noticed he had sent a lot more texts than me that month which has never happened in the 11 years we've been together. I didn't recognize the number he had been texting so I asked him about it and he told me he had become friends with a woman that he met while at training. She had just filed for a divorce. I became paranoid and started checking our cell bill every day. They were texting around 50 times a day and he was deleting a most of the texts. I told him I wasn't comfortable with their friendship and asked him to stop texting her. He was very angry and accused me of not wanting him to have friends or anyone to talk to other than me but he said he would stop. This led to him sneaking around. He signed up for an internet texting site so it wouldn't show up on our phone bill that he was still texting her. I know the password to his main email account so he created a couple of email accounts that he doesn't think I know about so he could send some of the texts he was deleting to his email to save them. I finally found a text that she had forwarded to him by accident that her husband had sent her and it said "OMG, I love you!" His response was "I think I'm falling for you too." We had a huge fight and I was ready to take our baby and leave. He swore he wouldn't text her again and begged me not to leave, but he continued to try to text her without me knowing.
I finally got so fed up that I texted the OW. I was very nice and explained things from my point of view. I told her that we were struggling in our marriage and all of our fights were about her and I asked her to cut off communication with my husband. I was shaking when I texted her because I didn't know how she would respond. She was very nice. She apologized, said he had told her that we were separated, and that she would stop texting him. She stuck to her word and stopped responding to him for almost a month. He texted her many times and she never responded back. He was so mad when he found out I had done that but he started being a better husband for a while. He was much nicer to me, our sex life has been much better than it's been in years, and he is much more affectionate.
Last week he had training again and she was there. I know they talked because he told me they had and they texted a couple of times. Instead of sneaking with the texts, he showed them to me which was an improvement. This week he will be 3 hours away staying in a hotel and she will be at this training as well. I asked him if I could go and he wouldn't let me. I know he will have a roommate and so will she, but I'm sick to my stomach thinking about them being there together. He keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about because he loves me and has been so happy lately but I can't help but worry. I know they haven't done anything physical but they will be in a hotel for almost a week. There will be plenty of opportunity for them to "hang out" and do whatever they want.
What should I do??? I thought about going there and surprising him and staying anyway. I've thought about before he leaves tonight making him share all passwords (because I don't know them all and he doesn't know I know some of them) and everything with me to hopefully help keep him a little more honest. I'm just going to drive myself crazy if I stay home. Part of me wants to just trust him and let him go but I know he has feelings for her even if he's told me over and over that he doesn't. I feel like he's addicted to flirting with her and I'm scared it will turn into more.
I finally got so fed up that I texted the OW. I was very nice and explained things from my point of view. I told her that we were struggling in our marriage and all of our fights were about her and I asked her to cut off communication with my husband. I was shaking when I texted her because I didn't know how she would respond. She was very nice. She apologized, said he had told her that we were separated, and that she would stop texting him. She stuck to her word and stopped responding to him for almost a month. He texted her many times and she never responded back. He was so mad when he found out I had done that but he started being a better husband for a while. He was much nicer to me, our sex life has been much better than it's been in years, and he is much more affectionate.
Last week he had training again and she was there. I know they talked because he told me they had and they texted a couple of times. Instead of sneaking with the texts, he showed them to me which was an improvement. This week he will be 3 hours away staying in a hotel and she will be at this training as well. I asked him if I could go and he wouldn't let me. I know he will have a roommate and so will she, but I'm sick to my stomach thinking about them being there together. He keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about because he loves me and has been so happy lately but I can't help but worry. I know they haven't done anything physical but they will be in a hotel for almost a week. There will be plenty of opportunity for them to "hang out" and do whatever they want.
What should I do??? I thought about going there and surprising him and staying anyway. I've thought about before he leaves tonight making him share all passwords (because I don't know them all and he doesn't know I know some of them) and everything with me to hopefully help keep him a little more honest. I'm just going to drive myself crazy if I stay home. Part of me wants to just trust him and let him go but I know he has feelings for her even if he's told me over and over that he doesn't. I feel like he's addicted to flirting with her and I'm scared it will turn into more.
Put the internet to work for you.
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