I'm in a way disappointed by what a relationship is. Be it casual dating or marriage. I grew up believing it would be a huge commitment, with 2 people giving themselves to one another completely, having this bond, so that nothing could come between them. Part of it was my mom's behavior. She put it into my head that true love is always that way, and anything else is just bull****. Well, it turned out life was more complicated than that.
I was just waiting for 'the one' to come around, I was ready to be selfless, and give it all. And I did. Too bad I expected the same in return. I expected a relationship to be a fairytale filled with unicorns and rainbows and the two people only wanting each other. And to my disappointment and horror I realized when you do get into a relationship, as a woman, you commit yourself to a man, only to have him check out other women and jerk off to 18 year olds who are hotter than you for the rest of your lives together, and eventually underappreciate and take your beauty for granted. The initial spark simply fades. And to some extent I believe that happens to the majority. People will say boohoo, boys will be boys, that I need to stop being a *****/dramatic/controlling and let it go and accept it. That it's not a big deal, that it's normal and a typical male behavior, it's biology. I know all that, I've heard all that and I get it, but getting it doesn't honestly make me feel much better about it. It's still a slap in the face. It still makes me feel like im not enough, like I will never be enough to make him happy. This is not a case of a wife denying her man and then *****ing about him turning to other things for release. It's a case of a woman who gave it all, all she had, only to realize it really doesn't make a difference. That apparently by marrying this man she also married his porn, and that it's just how it is, and she'd better deal with it. Deal with his obsession with other women and that being a big and vitally important part of his life, to the point he can never stop? Well I can deal with it, but will I ever be fully happy? Does that FEEL fair or normal to me? I don't think so. And I don't think anything or anyone can help me change the way I feel about it, cause I've tried, I've tried very hard.
Now, do I think it's worth it? Yeah, it definitely is, for the amazing times you have, for the laughs, the happy moments, having your best friend and the love of your life all in one person, waking up with them every morning? Of course it is. But is it all I hoped it would be? Unfortunately, the answer to that is depressing. People out there, men in particular, will call me crazy, possessive, a *****, jealous, controlling, a ball and chain. Well maybe that is who I am. And I think part of the reason why I made this post is to stop pretending for everyone's sake, be honest, accept myself, and perhaps give people some insight on how people like me feel. Some may feel the same, others will call it immature and overly dramatic, but that's who I am, and I think I just had to let it out.
I was just waiting for 'the one' to come around, I was ready to be selfless, and give it all. And I did. Too bad I expected the same in return. I expected a relationship to be a fairytale filled with unicorns and rainbows and the two people only wanting each other. And to my disappointment and horror I realized when you do get into a relationship, as a woman, you commit yourself to a man, only to have him check out other women and jerk off to 18 year olds who are hotter than you for the rest of your lives together, and eventually underappreciate and take your beauty for granted. The initial spark simply fades. And to some extent I believe that happens to the majority. People will say boohoo, boys will be boys, that I need to stop being a *****/dramatic/controlling and let it go and accept it. That it's not a big deal, that it's normal and a typical male behavior, it's biology. I know all that, I've heard all that and I get it, but getting it doesn't honestly make me feel much better about it. It's still a slap in the face. It still makes me feel like im not enough, like I will never be enough to make him happy. This is not a case of a wife denying her man and then *****ing about him turning to other things for release. It's a case of a woman who gave it all, all she had, only to realize it really doesn't make a difference. That apparently by marrying this man she also married his porn, and that it's just how it is, and she'd better deal with it. Deal with his obsession with other women and that being a big and vitally important part of his life, to the point he can never stop? Well I can deal with it, but will I ever be fully happy? Does that FEEL fair or normal to me? I don't think so. And I don't think anything or anyone can help me change the way I feel about it, cause I've tried, I've tried very hard.
Now, do I think it's worth it? Yeah, it definitely is, for the amazing times you have, for the laughs, the happy moments, having your best friend and the love of your life all in one person, waking up with them every morning? Of course it is. But is it all I hoped it would be? Unfortunately, the answer to that is depressing. People out there, men in particular, will call me crazy, possessive, a *****, jealous, controlling, a ball and chain. Well maybe that is who I am. And I think part of the reason why I made this post is to stop pretending for everyone's sake, be honest, accept myself, and perhaps give people some insight on how people like me feel. Some may feel the same, others will call it immature and overly dramatic, but that's who I am, and I think I just had to let it out.
Put the internet to work for you.
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