Old story but advice needed

OK ... I did some Googling ... something my wife hates me to do and found this forum. Given I believe in getting advice when possible I thought it would be a good idea to post. Incidentally if my wife found out I was making this post she would be infuriated (curse, tell me to f-off and probably not speak for 1 week). Now, the issue(s). My wife generally accuses me of cheating or doing something improper fairly regularly. She has always been insecure but it has gotten worse over the years. We've been married for 11 years and together for 15 and have two children 13 and 9. In the past when she would get mad she would simply disappear and then show up only after I begged her to come home. All the mean while the kids would be asking where Mommy was. This week the kids are at my parents visiting their cousins so she picked an appropriate time to blow. This blow up came from me not answering my cell phone when I co-worker called during lunch. I had driven to my wife's office and we were having lunch. We usually don't because we work so far from each other. When the phone rang I rejected the call and we kept talking and eating. FYI ... the co-worker is a woman who works for me. Well thinking nothing of it we have lunch and go back to her office and I kissed her goodbye. Everyt hing seemed normal. That night when I returned from playing basketball she erupted. "Why didn't you answer the phone today?!?!" "What was that about?!?" I told her I was having lunch with you and didn't want to interrupt our time. That made her more angry. "You think I'm f-ing stupid!! I'm not!!" Some history ... one of her 3 or 4 blow ups last year was around this co-worker. At my company we acknowledge birthdays and company anniversaries. I sent this co-worker an e-card for her birthday as I do all my employees. My wife felt it was inappropriate. I told her check will all the men and women who work in my organization. She of course would not. That resulted in her leaving for 3 days (staying at friends ... not that I verified). Fast forward to today. At least she hasn't left this time (that gives me hope). I was going to ask her what she thinks is going on and offer her suggestions to verify or disprove it. She also said she is upset my phone and computer are always locked. I've offered her the passwords. I told her I can't remove them because of the work I do given they are work issued but she can have the logins. She of course calls that "convenient". This behavior has built up on me over the years. I haven't told my parents for the fear of how it will change their perception of her. The cursing, screaming, irrational accusations has soured me. I actually made up my mind that I wasn't going to ask her to come back this time. I've had it but thankfully she didn't leave. However now she is not speaking and not answering any calls or messages while only showing up at night. I've just said nothing outside saying nothing is wrong or going on for the last week. I also sent her flowers but the card may not have helped in that I said ... "I may not understand her anger but I only want to make things better and strengthen our relationship" ... love always ... etc ... Now she is saying ... "What the f--k!!! You don't know why I'm mad!?!?!" "Everyone I know says it makes sense!!! Don't insult me by saying you wanted uninterrupted time with me!!! You never do!" So with all that ... it probably doesn't sound bad to everyone else but suffice it to say I'm fairly overloaded. Working 70 hours per week, coaching my kids, getting the kids through their own growing pains, trying help keep things up in the house, trying to spend time with wife, dealing with step-son (we have a live in no job 21 year old), etc ... I usually walk on egg shells around my wife because she is easily set off. I should close with I've never cheated, touched, called, messaged any woman. I'm the prototypical nice guy. Grew up in the church and I'm dedicated beyond what I probably should be. My wife has "crashed" at ex-boyfriends ... or gone to buy "weed" from ex ... etc ... I should also throw into the mix I don't drink, smoke (anything) but wife does drink (often to excess) and smoke weed on occasion (but seems to be trying to quit that). That in itself causes issues. I know that is all a lot but I wanted to get things started. Let me know any advice you may have.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979