Recap - so I discovered she'd been having an affair in May 2012. She "threw her toys out of the pram" and rather accused me for not listening. It is not true I do not listen BUT that she has a very strong fear of talking thru issues, and since we get married in Oct 2001, she checked out of the marriage emotionally. We are now both 41.
It was a marriage where if she spoke to me for 2 weeks, I felt it was a miracle. I hung onto my faith to get thru each day of the marriage. Hence discovering the affair was devastating.
Nonetheless, 1 year after discovering the affair, the emotional hurt ceased. She knows she has issues talking thru her feelings BUT still blames me AND will not talk thru my hurt. She is a social prowess, which means all our friends and some of mine have stopped talking to me, she has twisted and manipulated the truth in her favour - it feels depressing. My work performance over the last 20 months has dipped big time.
I want to divorce, but I am scared of the effect on the kids, the social backlash and the loneliness. On the other hand, I want to stay bse of the boys (8 and 5) but I also feel numbing terror at the thought of living in such a marriage again. The people I have spoken to keep saying either of 2 things, "You are holding on to the affair - let it go - forgive and forget" OR "Just stay for the sake of the kids, she will change later in life and everything will be ok." My challenge is she does not even acknowledge she needs to change, at the MCs she manipulated the truths which made the sessions unproductive. I was ready to stay and put every effort to make the marriage work BUT she will not talk thru issues. So the emotional abandonment continues.
I decided on divorce but the pain each day and the fear of the unknown sometimes overwhelms me already - and causes me to stall BUT in the meantime, my life has been spiralling down.
I know God prefers reconciliation YET the fear of such marriage is making me run from Him. LIMBO is a terrible place to be in.
It was a marriage where if she spoke to me for 2 weeks, I felt it was a miracle. I hung onto my faith to get thru each day of the marriage. Hence discovering the affair was devastating.
Nonetheless, 1 year after discovering the affair, the emotional hurt ceased. She knows she has issues talking thru her feelings BUT still blames me AND will not talk thru my hurt. She is a social prowess, which means all our friends and some of mine have stopped talking to me, she has twisted and manipulated the truth in her favour - it feels depressing. My work performance over the last 20 months has dipped big time.
I want to divorce, but I am scared of the effect on the kids, the social backlash and the loneliness. On the other hand, I want to stay bse of the boys (8 and 5) but I also feel numbing terror at the thought of living in such a marriage again. The people I have spoken to keep saying either of 2 things, "You are holding on to the affair - let it go - forgive and forget" OR "Just stay for the sake of the kids, she will change later in life and everything will be ok." My challenge is she does not even acknowledge she needs to change, at the MCs she manipulated the truths which made the sessions unproductive. I was ready to stay and put every effort to make the marriage work BUT she will not talk thru issues. So the emotional abandonment continues.
I decided on divorce but the pain each day and the fear of the unknown sometimes overwhelms me already - and causes me to stall BUT in the meantime, my life has been spiralling down.
I know God prefers reconciliation YET the fear of such marriage is making me run from Him. LIMBO is a terrible place to be in.
Put the internet to work for you.
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