So, here I am up a 4:30 am, alone in my bed as usual. Thinking when did all this happen to make my wife emotionally vacuous and hateful towards me. I get up in a cold sweat after 15 years of marriage, in an empty bed, dark room. When I come down stairs, I get comments "Why are you here"
The abusive MIL has practically moved in, (hasn't gone home in months) All she does is scream and b**ch all day and verbally attacks me all day when I'm home. She is clearly a mentally ill woman with her own divorce baggage, and has totally infected and brainwashed my wife. I never thought it would get that far. We always seemed to make up after arguments, and now its a marriage on life-support.
The MIL has so made her daughter dependent on her emotionally that the husband "me" has no emotional purpose for her anymore. The MIL treats her like a little girl, constantly criticizing her, how the kids are raised, how the house is messy (which it is not), and how I am scum of the earth and the biggest mistake of her life. She doesn't see this, and will NEVER defend me, except an occasional ma, don't yell at him now, for the kids sake, wait til they're in school - or something like that.
The MIL is making me pay for her failed marriage, and has all but destroyed it. To the point that I want to get separated.
I never ever ever wanted this, but I cannot function here anymore, and the kids hear all sorts of crap about their "mental" father and how he is not even a man, someone worthy of 24/7 ridicule and attack. I sit quietly 99% of the time, and the MIL goes into her tirades and threats.
I blame my wife who apparently fears her or has some unhealthy bond with her. The MIL has truly replaced me in a sick way. She sleeps on the couch next to her, or in my kids' room. When the MIL threatens she's going home, I PRAY THAT IT'S TRUE!! The other day, she packed all her bags, and wife was taking her home, I thought it was a MIRACLE. Then later I get a call from my wife yelling at me that it's my fault she wanted to go home, and it's my fault wife doesn't feel well, and that she needs her mother. She begged her to come back, and she's lonely without her mom, and no one to talk too. And where does that leave me??
All this MIL does is NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, MISERABLE WORDS COME out of her mouth. Besides the verbal abuse I get, it's this can't be done, that can't be done. That's bad, this is bad.
She watches the neighbors all day, and observes other people and tells her daughter, look that's a real man, or look how hard that man is working, yada yadaa
My wife, the care-free independent spirit I met all those years ago, is gone. I don't know when I lost her. My wife has become a carbon-copy of her mother's brain. And is forcing the scenario where she ends up divorced like her mother was. She used to live with her grandmother (MIL's mother) who was the most wonderful person in the world who I treated like a mother, and she treated me like a son. Before she died, she always told my wife to "be" with your husband, and always was for the "family" as a whole. SHe is probably rolling in her grave, at what is going on here. In fact, towards the end years, she told her own daughter MIL, to bud out of their lives.
Now, their is no privacy, no intimacy, no meaningful conversation, not even a kind human word - ever. She'll talk to me about "business" - ie kids, school, bills, etc. But that's it. If the conversation gets too involved, the MIL cuts it off.
I am in tears every night, think I'm having panic attacks and can't breathe at night. I am/was always a jolly positive person with a sense of humor, but have lost that side of me, and totally depressed.
The excuse that the MIL is here, is bc I have a special needs ODD kid (who of course soaks everything up like a sponge), and successfully pits everyone against each other. When he does that to me "Granma said this about me", I ignore it as an "adult" should do. When he says "Dad said x or y about Mom or MIL", they swallow it hook line and sucker, and come at me with guns blazing.
I would have ran away a long time ago, but 1. have nowhere to go. I am isolated with no friends and estranged relatives, 2. I always promised myself I wouldn't be like WIFE's father who left his wife (MIL) and 2 kids, 3.financially she has control to all the accounts. 4.Every one I encounter tells me how I have nerves of steel, a good guy (MIL and WIFE call me evil, enemy in the family, and monster), and that any guy would have already left. However, I don't feel heroic anymore about sticking it out. I am growing tired of the arguing the fighting, the confused kids not knowing what side to take (they use them in their pointless war against me). The MIL tells ME to leave "forever", not to mention wishing bad things to happen to me. And they call me mental??
They have abdicated my authority here, show me no respect, and then when the kids act out, tell me to "be a father". Here's irony, they observe other people, and lament how other families have a bigger support system and a lot of relatives (we actually have a lot, but they are either estranged or into their own lives), and at the same time, destroying the "father" me, and in effect forcing my kids NOT to have a dad in their lives much longer.
I really really planned for a life-time marriage, and companionship, but cannot sustain life like this anymore. I feel so bad for my kids. I love them so much, and wouldn't put it past the Wife and MIL to lie thru their teeth to make sure I don't get to see them if I leave. That would be the end of me for sure.
Also, I am lonely, hungry for companionship and intimacy, wishing my wife from years ago would return (probably never).
Everyone understands how this toxic MIL has to go. Even her own friend said it, every article. But my wife is stubborn and thinks everything she's doing is right, and can't live without her mommy. My wife WILL NOT listen, doesn't get signs, and cannot reason with her. If I dare touch the HOLY MOTHER, she will attack me.
Please help THanks
The abusive MIL has practically moved in, (hasn't gone home in months) All she does is scream and b**ch all day and verbally attacks me all day when I'm home. She is clearly a mentally ill woman with her own divorce baggage, and has totally infected and brainwashed my wife. I never thought it would get that far. We always seemed to make up after arguments, and now its a marriage on life-support.
The MIL has so made her daughter dependent on her emotionally that the husband "me" has no emotional purpose for her anymore. The MIL treats her like a little girl, constantly criticizing her, how the kids are raised, how the house is messy (which it is not), and how I am scum of the earth and the biggest mistake of her life. She doesn't see this, and will NEVER defend me, except an occasional ma, don't yell at him now, for the kids sake, wait til they're in school - or something like that.
The MIL is making me pay for her failed marriage, and has all but destroyed it. To the point that I want to get separated.
I never ever ever wanted this, but I cannot function here anymore, and the kids hear all sorts of crap about their "mental" father and how he is not even a man, someone worthy of 24/7 ridicule and attack. I sit quietly 99% of the time, and the MIL goes into her tirades and threats.
I blame my wife who apparently fears her or has some unhealthy bond with her. The MIL has truly replaced me in a sick way. She sleeps on the couch next to her, or in my kids' room. When the MIL threatens she's going home, I PRAY THAT IT'S TRUE!! The other day, she packed all her bags, and wife was taking her home, I thought it was a MIRACLE. Then later I get a call from my wife yelling at me that it's my fault she wanted to go home, and it's my fault wife doesn't feel well, and that she needs her mother. She begged her to come back, and she's lonely without her mom, and no one to talk too. And where does that leave me??
All this MIL does is NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, MISERABLE WORDS COME out of her mouth. Besides the verbal abuse I get, it's this can't be done, that can't be done. That's bad, this is bad.
She watches the neighbors all day, and observes other people and tells her daughter, look that's a real man, or look how hard that man is working, yada yadaa
My wife, the care-free independent spirit I met all those years ago, is gone. I don't know when I lost her. My wife has become a carbon-copy of her mother's brain. And is forcing the scenario where she ends up divorced like her mother was. She used to live with her grandmother (MIL's mother) who was the most wonderful person in the world who I treated like a mother, and she treated me like a son. Before she died, she always told my wife to "be" with your husband, and always was for the "family" as a whole. SHe is probably rolling in her grave, at what is going on here. In fact, towards the end years, she told her own daughter MIL, to bud out of their lives.
Now, their is no privacy, no intimacy, no meaningful conversation, not even a kind human word - ever. She'll talk to me about "business" - ie kids, school, bills, etc. But that's it. If the conversation gets too involved, the MIL cuts it off.
I am in tears every night, think I'm having panic attacks and can't breathe at night. I am/was always a jolly positive person with a sense of humor, but have lost that side of me, and totally depressed.
The excuse that the MIL is here, is bc I have a special needs ODD kid (who of course soaks everything up like a sponge), and successfully pits everyone against each other. When he does that to me "Granma said this about me", I ignore it as an "adult" should do. When he says "Dad said x or y about Mom or MIL", they swallow it hook line and sucker, and come at me with guns blazing.
I would have ran away a long time ago, but 1. have nowhere to go. I am isolated with no friends and estranged relatives, 2. I always promised myself I wouldn't be like WIFE's father who left his wife (MIL) and 2 kids, 3.financially she has control to all the accounts. 4.Every one I encounter tells me how I have nerves of steel, a good guy (MIL and WIFE call me evil, enemy in the family, and monster), and that any guy would have already left. However, I don't feel heroic anymore about sticking it out. I am growing tired of the arguing the fighting, the confused kids not knowing what side to take (they use them in their pointless war against me). The MIL tells ME to leave "forever", not to mention wishing bad things to happen to me. And they call me mental??
They have abdicated my authority here, show me no respect, and then when the kids act out, tell me to "be a father". Here's irony, they observe other people, and lament how other families have a bigger support system and a lot of relatives (we actually have a lot, but they are either estranged or into their own lives), and at the same time, destroying the "father" me, and in effect forcing my kids NOT to have a dad in their lives much longer.
I really really planned for a life-time marriage, and companionship, but cannot sustain life like this anymore. I feel so bad for my kids. I love them so much, and wouldn't put it past the Wife and MIL to lie thru their teeth to make sure I don't get to see them if I leave. That would be the end of me for sure.
Also, I am lonely, hungry for companionship and intimacy, wishing my wife from years ago would return (probably never).
Everyone understands how this toxic MIL has to go. Even her own friend said it, every article. But my wife is stubborn and thinks everything she's doing is right, and can't live without her mommy. My wife WILL NOT listen, doesn't get signs, and cannot reason with her. If I dare touch the HOLY MOTHER, she will attack me.
Please help THanks
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