I don't understand what I am doing anymore. I came to this forum to find a way through my affairs, to understand what happened with me and my marriage problems. I received great advices. I started to read a book on how to love myself since many of you said I don't love myself enough. I guess I never did. My husband laughed when I told him that.
Couple weeks ago, I was dealing with being completely miserable over my affair with someone who said everything right just to get in my pants. I hoped he was real, he meant what he said and I was falling for him. I was stupid and selfish. Nothing else.
My husband did not deserve any of it. And i wish I never met this OM at first place.
Now, as it was not enough, this OM contacted me again saying how much he misses me and wants to see me.
We met, I told him what happened before was something I was not ready for and not that way. He kept saying his usual - how he will wait for me and wants to be with me. I wanted to believe him so much.
Then he tried get into my pants again. I did not let that happen. I pushed his hands from certain places and we talked most of the time. He said he was disappointed but not mad.
It was clear what he wants but I just did not want to admit that it could be a reason for wanting to see me.
After all, I feel like I know nothing. Maybe this OM is really good guy and I am just too blind too see it.
I liked him, his company even though he playfully slapped me like 3rd time. He always laughed about it and took it as a joke. But after knowing how real slapping feels, I did not find it funny even though it did not hurt.
Through this meeting everything was fine, he was sweet as always and I was just happy to be with him, to feel wanted and special in some way.
A day later, he ignored me completely.
Now, thinking about me and my actions...I don't get myself. I am loosing my mind over someone who does not deserve it. And when I think of him and why he ignores me - I blame myself for it. And then it is killing me even more.
How can I be this selfish? I feel like some kind of monster for thinking of OM and hurting my own husband.
I feel so lost. Why can't I let go? Why can't or do anything right and just keep going deeper and deeper in my own mess?
Part of me knows how bad it is, how this whole situation is killing me inside.
Why do I go back for more even though I know how bad it is? I think often about what this OM is giving me - lots of heartache and sadness when he ignores me but I always find excuse for that and for not giving up. Why? For what?
My husband would never ignore me. So why I don't feel same way about him? Why can't I look at him and kiss him because I want to, because I desire his kissing? Why don't I hold his hand or hug him often? Why don't I want that with my own husband?
I want to stop this crazy feeling I have towards OM. I don't want to see him as if he was the only best man living on planet earth. I want to feel normal again. But I guess, it is too late for that... I feel like he can't do anything wrong. That is it just me who is wrong all the time no matter what I do.
I am so confused...
Couple weeks ago, I was dealing with being completely miserable over my affair with someone who said everything right just to get in my pants. I hoped he was real, he meant what he said and I was falling for him. I was stupid and selfish. Nothing else.
My husband did not deserve any of it. And i wish I never met this OM at first place.
Now, as it was not enough, this OM contacted me again saying how much he misses me and wants to see me.
We met, I told him what happened before was something I was not ready for and not that way. He kept saying his usual - how he will wait for me and wants to be with me. I wanted to believe him so much.
Then he tried get into my pants again. I did not let that happen. I pushed his hands from certain places and we talked most of the time. He said he was disappointed but not mad.
It was clear what he wants but I just did not want to admit that it could be a reason for wanting to see me.
After all, I feel like I know nothing. Maybe this OM is really good guy and I am just too blind too see it.
I liked him, his company even though he playfully slapped me like 3rd time. He always laughed about it and took it as a joke. But after knowing how real slapping feels, I did not find it funny even though it did not hurt.
Through this meeting everything was fine, he was sweet as always and I was just happy to be with him, to feel wanted and special in some way.
A day later, he ignored me completely.
Now, thinking about me and my actions...I don't get myself. I am loosing my mind over someone who does not deserve it. And when I think of him and why he ignores me - I blame myself for it. And then it is killing me even more.
How can I be this selfish? I feel like some kind of monster for thinking of OM and hurting my own husband.
I feel so lost. Why can't I let go? Why can't or do anything right and just keep going deeper and deeper in my own mess?
Part of me knows how bad it is, how this whole situation is killing me inside.
Why do I go back for more even though I know how bad it is? I think often about what this OM is giving me - lots of heartache and sadness when he ignores me but I always find excuse for that and for not giving up. Why? For what?
My husband would never ignore me. So why I don't feel same way about him? Why can't I look at him and kiss him because I want to, because I desire his kissing? Why don't I hold his hand or hug him often? Why don't I want that with my own husband?
I want to stop this crazy feeling I have towards OM. I don't want to see him as if he was the only best man living on planet earth. I want to feel normal again. But I guess, it is too late for that... I feel like he can't do anything wrong. That is it just me who is wrong all the time no matter what I do.
I am so confused...
Put the internet to work for you.
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