Losing control of my feelings cost me the chance to be a friend with a great girl.

I am just writing this to get it off my chest and not really to ask for advice. Recently I met this very cute and kind girl that I really liked at the university halls. She seemed to be very intelligent and friendly and with a very healthy and active life in general and I always enjoyed talking to her. I love hanging out with people like her since I feel they also help me be this way. After a few weeks since she moved in my feelings started to grow for her, at the time I didn't really know she had a boyfriend so I didn't see anything wrong with the situation. When I finally learn she had a boyfriend I felt bad but since she seemed to be a very interesting person I tried to maintain a friendly relationship with her instead. It was all fine and when she left we said that we would keep in contact. The thing is… after a while I messed up everything. Some very important personal problems that came up (mainly academic but also some family problems) made me really depressed and I couldn't control my emotions any more. Actually I don't think I have ever felt this bad before in my life… it was like my dreams were going down the drain (I actually cried… something that hasn't happened for many years) and all because of a paperwork mistake of someone else. I was so messed up that I let my depression take over me… I was feeling very sad for a long time and for some reason I decided to send her a song and explain her how I felt (of course also mentioning that I know she has a boyfriend and just wanted to be a friend with her, even saying that I know this was a huge mistake). I even sent her a second (desperate) message after that when she didn't answer… I really acted like a creep. I never thought of her feelings and the effect of my behavior on her. I was a selfish jerk… I should have kept my feelings to myself since my problems had nothing to do with her. This mistake cost me the chance to be friends with a great person. I am paying my mistake now and to be honest I deserve it. The main thing that makes me feel bad is that I hurt her and I really hate making people feel bad. I really wish I had a time machine to change everything I did… (maybe I should change my research project since what I am doing now also seems to be pretty much impossible…) I would do anything to fix my mistake. So what I want to say is, think well before you act, always think if there is a possibility your actions will make another person feel bad and if there is… just respect them instead of being selfish no matter how bad you feel. ------------- To the person I mistreated, if you ever see this I just want to say that I am so deeply sorry, I don't think I will be able to forgive myself anytime soon. If you ever forgive me… I will always be happy to be your friend.

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