Infidelity Stress: What It Can Do

Of course my sleep has been affected (whose isn't?), though it's gotten better. D-Day was the worst: slept not a wink THAT night. :( I'm more tense and "jumpy." I just don't feel as safe in the world as I used to. My husband used to be my "protector" but now he's the one who has hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me, so how can I feel really safe? I have to use deep breathing a lot more than I ever did because I feel my muscles - all over - tensing up more, plus I catch myself doing that shallow breathing (I know it's not good for you). Some of it's due to triggering, but some of it is just that general sense of "the world isn't a safe place now, so be on guard." But the real shocker was a bizarre health scare I had that really shook up my WS. In a good way - he got very worried about me, and I was glad, I hate to admit, to see it. (He was more worried than I was; even losing sleep over it.) I had been thinking that his own guilt and shame was getting in the way of our making progress: too much focus on his OWN feelings, not enough on mine. Plus I haven't been convinced that he's entirely out of the fog, even though I have no doubt the affair is over - he'd been spending a lot of time and money on his own interests post-affair, doing stuff to make HIMSELF happy, not very focused on us. So getting this worked up about my health may be, I'm hoping, a sign that he might actually be starting to "come out of it." What happened to me was what appeared to be a period. More than a couple years after menopause. I had had breast tenderness for a good 3 weeks prior, which I'd wondered about - I knew something was screwy hormonally, but didn't think too much about it. Then the bleeding. That I DID think quite a bit about, because this is NOT at all normal at my age. I didn't keep any "items" around the house anymore for handling this sort of thing - those were pitched years ago - so I made an emergency trip to the drug store. And a call to my GYN. Who wanted to see me ASAP, bleeding and all. Ultrasound showed no ovary issue - that was good. But endometrium was thick. He said the blood looked like menstrual blood, and I said menstruation is exactly what it felt like was happening to me - especially after the tender breasts lead-in. But he said that even though there was only an 8% chance of cancer, any bleeding post-menopause has to be assumed to be cancer until proven otherwise (this is what had my WS so worried). So doc had me schedule a date for a hysteroscopy (look inside with a camera) and a D&C. A week later - after an almost "typical" period for me - I went to the hospital. Blech. I hate anesthesia, even though it was only "twilight." (I don't get sick - it just makes me nervous.) Had to wait a few days for results. Doc saw nothing unusual and the pathology report came back "normal cells." I'll be seeing him for a follow-up exam and to discuss it further, but I came across something very interesting online: the concept of the "rogue period" in post-menopausal women, not uncommon in times of stress, e.g. the nurse practitioner who reported seeing a lot of women having them in the 6 months after 9/11. I like the whole "rogue" idea - that word is very appealing to me! But everything I've had to go through because of it is not - some fear on my part (not as much as my husband had, fortunately: due to lack of cancer in my family, I don't think I'm "the cancer type"), the doctoring, and even day surgery at the hospital! I DO blame this on stress related to infidelity. I'm sure my hormones have gone wacky and done quite the number on me as a result of this emotional turmoil. Anybody else have any stress-related health issues after D-Day? :p

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