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Confused about communication during the separation

I am in my third month of being separated from my wife. No filings for divorce but plenty of ups and downs during this time. I am starting counseling this week (wish I would have started sooner) and hope my wife will join me eventually.

Some background on my situation...
We got together in our early twenties and were happily married a few year later. We had little responsibility and were just enjoying life together. Going places all the time and hanging out with friends. Life was great. Then about 2 years ago I got a new job with a much lower stress level. I decided to take advantage and pursue some credentials to elevate my career and benefit the both of us. This commitment would require a lot of my time be devoted to studying. We discussed this commitment but it is clear now we were not on the same page. I don't think that this commitment is the only issue we have had but I think it is a big factor. Communication was a big issue for us and now I see it clear as day and wish I had been willing to put that as a top priority months ago. I could tell things were brewing since about the beginning of this year, but I felt like once the goal was achieved we would be happy and turn things around. I would be the husband I knew I could be. The focus and dedication kicked our relationship in the face. I was stressed and had a bad attitude which caught up with us just over 2 months ago. She left to stay with family and we have been separated since.

Since she has left I have stop the pursuit of my credentials because financially we are fine and we both have made great achievements career wise. She has said this to me in some of the discussions we have had since separating. The communication has been via text most everyday and then we get together about once a week. We have discussed not wanting to see other people since we feel this will eliminate any chance of reconciliation. I think she recognizes some of the changes I have made but will not admit to me that she does. I realize she is hurt deeply and has a wall up to protect herself from any further hurt. I have been hanging out with friends both my own and mutual friends of ours. She has commented that I seem ok with our current situation since I am visting people and seem to having fun. I clearly am not because I lover her and miss her dearly. She has been hanging out with her friends and going to the beach and other events. I think it is great that she is doing he r thing. I feel the same way about myself, but I am confused about her seeming angry about me doing things.

The other day she was extremely upset and angry and told me she never wanted to comeback to our home and that she didn't see how we could work through this things. I was shocked at first and felt hopeless. After thinking about it, I felt she was just extremely upset due to not having any space of her own since she is staying with family. I know she has been frustrated living with family and not having her own space. She brought up getting her own apartment which also shocked me. A few days later she went to look at a place and told me it was nice but a tough decision since it was a year lease that she would be comitted too. I told her she needs to do what will make her happy. Although I want us to be together forever, I want us both to be happy too even if that means being apart. I took this as a sign that she did not want to be committed since maybe she still had hope for us even though she did not say that too me. No decision has been made by her at this time. If she does decide to get a place I am not sure what that will mean for us. I feel like it might be the end, but i am not sure at this point. At this point, no timeline has been set regarding our separation.

The communication issues which caused a lot of our problems is what I am having the hardest time with. When she first left I did not contact her for about 4 days at all to give her space. She was upset about this. I then started to contact her more and be a little loving in my contact. She was not ready for that. I get the impression she wants me to contact her but not expect to be contacted back. She says I can call her or text her anytime and she will tell me if it is too much. I don't think no contact is a good idea since our issues were originally cause by not communicating clearly. I wonder if anybody else has been in a similar situation. Do I not contact her or do I stay in regular contact? What should I limit the conact to?

I invited her to a baseball game this weekend and we will be staying in the city. I am not sure what to expect during this outing. I hope it is a chance to enjoy each others company and rekindle some happiness between us. I take it as a good sign that she accepted and was also okay with staying in the city.




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