| Hi all; (hope this is the right forum section) I just signed up to this forum to ask for some anonymous advice, this is something new to me & I'm certainly not one to share my issues but this has been on my mind for months now.. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read/respond - I'm from the UK and I'm still only young, turning 20 in a week, I can imagine lots of people will reply with things like "live your life now while you're young and have a relationship later" etc.etc. When I was around 15 I got very close to a girl (the same age as me, a few months younger), we were friends only for a long period of time, albeit very close and open with eachother, and I had some very tough times when I was around 16 with the loss of a very close friend of mine, this girl helped me hugely through that situation and I heavily relied on her to take my mind off it; with the help and support she provided, we grew closer. We eventually realised we are destined to be more than friends and shouldn't block our feelings for one another, and had several punts at becoming more than friends, most failed.. Sometimes we'd go without talking for 4 months, maybe even 6 month at times, following some kind of argument or bust up.. Eventually earlier this year, in January, she messaged me after a long hiatus and really opened my eyes to a lot of things; the next day I turned up at her house and we worked perfectly from there, we were finally a fully fledged official couple after 3 years of friendship, and without a single hiccup. We didn't argue this time around AT ALL. I'd like to stress this point because we genuinely didn't. Our relationship was going perfectly and running very smoothly; my Mum loved her (something very rare when it comes to other girlfriends I'd introduced to my family) Not to mention the fact I got along extremely well with this girl's family and could quite happily spend time alone with them in a friendly way. Something I don't always find easy when it comes to relationships! Now during the time we were together she was on some medication for something to do with her ovaries as a safety precaution for the future and to make sure she will keep her fertility etc I'm mentioning this because the pills she was taking played havoc with her hormones, her Doctor told her that her hormones would be a lot more temperamental than when she was menstruating etc, as an example.. We still never argued even if she was a little touchy at times, but it got to the last week of her treatment (at this point it was around the beginning of April?) her Doctor told her the side effects/hormones would get 10 times worse in this last month, so clearly the last few days I treaded lightly and felt I was stepping on eggshells, so to speak. Now up to this point we still hadn't argued; But one weekend I was staying at hers, took my Sunday day job off especially for it, so on the Saturday I was at hers, and she got extremely annoyed/upset/started crying because I didn't cuddle her like I usually during a movie.. Which I didn't realise really, and it didn't seem like a hugely major thing (or is that a big thing, girls???) This seemed like an obvious over reaction and clearly was just the pills making her hormonal, but even after I apologised, hugged her and told her she was being a little OTT, she continued to cry and told me to go home, so I cycled home in the rain absolutely baffled with a real heart sinking feeling. After this, we still talked via texts, although very bluntly and much more awkward.. I was just waiting until her treatment ended because I knew i'd cause some kind of nuclear explosion if I set one foot wrong.... Anyway she wanted to see me on the upcoming Tuesday, but I told her I'd be busy as I was at college & seeing a few friends afterwards, so I told her I'd see her on Wednesday instead, instead as I'd be busy on the Tues..... She completely freaked out, called me a bunch of insulting names, and deleted my number etc. I begged & begged her all week to realise she was being very hard on me for no apparent reason, really tried to make her open my eyes, literally poured my heart out time & time again but I knew she needed time in the back of my mind, and I knew i should wait until she was off the pills to truthfully open up to her... but I'm too impatient and seem to get way too anxious if I leave things more than a few hours... Idk, it's a major flaw of mine. But I just really wanted to make sure I fought for her, to keep her in my life, because I knew i'd kick myself if i hadn't fought to try make things work. Anyways; it was an extremely hard week on me but she basically messaged me eventually and said "too much has been said, we can't carry on anymore" I think this was a pathetic excuse. And I think at the very least I deserved an apology.. but meh. I feel like I'm losing sleep over the dumbest thing. So here I am, almost 6 months on now, still think of her everyday, still know I love her, still wish things had gone differently, and ABOVE ALL feel like an extremely close relationship/friendship had been wasted over such minor petty things, knowing full well I tried my hardest and that just wasn't good enough. We haven't talked since & I really can't ever get the balls to message her. I've avoided relationships ever since, and any girls who have approached me or flirted with me I have (politely) told them i'm not really interested. I don't know what to do, i'm kind of stuck/hung up on somebody who I feel may not even be worth being upset over... Lately I've been feeling like messaging her a lot, but I'm playing the waiting game because I know she ALWAYS messages me after so many months, realising her mistakes & admitting them (far too late, usually) ... Even if she did message me I feel like I may just use the opportunity to finally tell her how much she hurt me and really threw every bit of effort back in my face.. I just need some kind of closure.... She recently followed me on Twitter, a pathetic thing to say I know but this was a major eye opener for me, and it showed me she still thought of me and wanted to see what I was up to.. she could have done it without following me but chose to make me see that she was following...? She unfollowed a week later though. And judging by the times I've gone on her page, she now has some kind of new brutish boyfriend who doesn't look particularly loving or caring.. ... Anyway, i'm really sorry for this being so long... But I really felt it was a fairly complicated situation and I should tell it to its full detail.. Thanks for reading & hope to hear some advice soon, will be checking back. | |||
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