Chemistry problems?

Ok, here's a brief history: Married 21 years. We started dating when I was 19, she was 20. Now I'm 42 and she's 43. Had our #2 kid in 2000 and began a 10 year sexless (about 1x a month) period with some brief periods of increased frequency. By the end of 2011 I had had it and was ready to walk. In Feb 2012 I read MMSLP, made some changes and our frequency went through the roof (relatively speaking). By December of 2012 we had slowed down to a routine of 1-2 times per week. The problems started resurfacing in February I guess. The thing is, she knows I keep track and if we go more than a week I complain so she makes sure that doesn't happen. Actually she'll probably do it anytime I ask, and once we get started it's pretty good. About the only thing she doesn't do much of is kissing. The issue that I have (and yes it's my issue....she thinks it's nothing and actually denies that it happens) is that I can't initiate. After so many years of rejection I'm already hyper sensitive to rejection. I really find it unacceptable. Whenever I try to start anything (I'm talking 100% of the time) she will find a reason that I'm doing it wrong. Too fast, too slow, too hard, too soft, too whatever. Then I'll roll over and just lay there. At that point she'll start initiating herself. But I just lay there, paralyzed, stifled, hoping that I don't do anything wrong. She'll keep at it until I give in and join in. I told her all of this today (again). She denies that it happens. Then she says she's trying to not let it happen. I feel like I just don't want to do it anymore. I want a wife who I feel safe with. I want to be able to initiate and know that she'll welcome me. It happened again last night. I apparently started too fast. So I went and took a shower and came back to bed. Then she tried to initiate. But I just told her that the mood was killed and I didn't want to. She pushed, so I told her that her earlier rejection just turned me off and that I didn't think I could get it up while I was still fuming. So we turned out the lights and went to sleep. This morning she said that we really need to do it tonight. But I'm still not all that interested. She just finished her period Monday so this is the one week per month that she's genuinely horny.

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