lack of sex, communication and everything else

Needing some advice. Husband and I are both 30, together 13 years married 8 with a 6 year old child. Our relationship has never been good. Up until 2 years ago we fought about everything. There has been physical and mental abuse from both of us. Physical stopped a year ago when we both realized we needed to grow up. I have a very busy job with long hours that I run out of our home. He has a regular 9-5 type job, but its is a physical job. I do all the cooking (2 meals every day), cleaning, finances and most of the yard work and caring for our child. The problems between us seem endless. Lack of sex. He doesn't initiate. I try to often but most often I am completely ignored. Years ago the sex was good now it is done monthly just as a physical need as I hate begging for it. I love sex. I give him random BJs, dress sexy, do my hair and makeup, watch porn with him and keep myself in decent shape by going to the gym. Communication. He does not start conversation. When I try, and I try often, after every sentence I wait a few seconds then say "what do you think" trying to get him to talk. Conversation about any and everthing is like pulling teeth. Lack of romance. We do get a couple nights alone a month for dates but he never plans them. I plan things he likes to do but he never returns the favor. Even when we are on our dates we are more like friends then a couple. We rarely kiss and touch. I sleep separate from him a few times a week as it hurts to always be rejected and ignored. What I have tried is writing very detailed notes to him. Telling him what my needs are and the actions I need him to do. I have listed the help around the house I want, romantic ideas I would love. After he reads the notes I ask what he thought of it and he will reply with an Im sorry, I love you and will do better. Nothing ever is done. I have thought maybe he is having an affair. All his time is accounted for and I have looked through his phone records and turned up nothing. Maybe gay? I brought up the idea during sex and he is repulsed by the idea of another man. The pluses are he is a good father and a good provider financially. Is he just not that into me? I feel like I have disconnected from him. It is hard to continue loving him when I get so little in return. I am done begging for sex, help around the house and conversation. Should I do a 180? Should I cut my losses and file divorce or is there anything else I could do to get him to be an active partner?

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