How to get over the hurt?????

My husband and I have together 6 years off and on. We have seperated multiple times. Some times last weeks and have gone into months. We have had a rocky relationship. Since we have been married he has cheated quite a few times. Majority of the times have been during our seperations when he is out of the house. I did cheat about 4 years ago while we were seperated. h ehad someone else and I was tired of crying and being alone. We went to counseling about 4 years ago, renewed our vows and vowed to make things work. We had an incident where he accused me recently of giving him and std and then slashing his tires. I was confused and hurt and figured he was back up to his old tricks. I though he was seeing someone else and making excuses to cheat. I couldnt deal with that hurt again so I asked him to leave. Now before i get to the issue, I know a lot of you will say it's my fault. He packed up and left on a Wednesday, met and slept with s omeone on Thursday. he had this female around his family. he was flaunting her like she was his girlfriend. he slept with her repeatedly. Was telling me he loved me and wanted to come home but was also still seeing her. She was rumored to have had hiv, they both got tested and were negative. He told me he never dealt with her afterwards but that was a lie. he was staying nights at our apartment telling me he wanted to make it work and then goung to be with her the next day. I honestly feel humiliated and embarrassed. He is back home and we are tyring to make it work but I dont know how to get over the hurt???? the female still comes around his place of business and areas that he frequents. he says its over and I believe him but my emotions are all over the place. just talking about it makes me mad. he claims he loves me but how do you sleep with another person one day after you and your wife seperate? i feel like he really wanted to be with this female but somet hing prevented that from happening. i feel like he came home as a last resort and I am really his last choice. I honestly feel like her chose her over me. I love him and want to make it work, but dont know how to get over the shame and hurt. please help

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