Is that all there is?

(THIS IS AN EPIC. I'M SORRY IT'S SO LONG, BUT I WANT TO BE THOROUGH SO YOU HAVE THE WHOLE STORY.) I am looking for a little advice. I am married to a man who is a great worker, who loves his job and does his very best at it...and therein lies the problem. My husband is so dedicated to his job he has forgotten he has a family. He goes to work at 8:00, works until 5:00 to 7:00 daily, comes home and works until it is time to go to bed. The only time he speaks to me is when he is eating, and that's to tell me all the wonderful things he did at his job and how much he LOVES his job. I have been the queen of compromise for the past ten years. I was a single mom going to college to get a degree to better my daughters' lives when we met, but he decided our family would be better off if I stayed home and HE got his Masters degree. And that's what happened. I became a stay-at-home mom and he spent the next six years working full time and doing school at night. We managed to add two kids to the family, and despite his busy schedule we were happy. I even enjoyed attending his graduation, even though it was tearing my heart out to know it was supposed to be me, he PROMISED it would be me. Then the conversations about his boss "Joanna" began. Joanna was his leggy, flirtatious boss who used her feminine wiles to get others to do her job for her. And he fell for it hook, line and sinker. At first he'd mention her once, maybe twice a day, how she "trusted" him to do this very important special project for her on top of his regular job. Eventually all our conversations began with "Joanna" and ended with "Joanna". The day after I gave birth to his son, she gave birth to her second daughter, and he kept asking me if he should go visit her...while I'm in the hospital with his child!!! For eight years I had to hear this woman's name over and over, how great she was, how educated she was, how smart she was. And our sex life dwindled: we went from twice a week to once a week to twice a month to MAYBE once a month. And though I never suspected an affair, simply because SHE didn't want anything more than her work done, I did suspect an EMOTIONAL affair on his part. He said there's no such thing as an emotional affair and I needed to get over it. But it's hard to get over when YOU become the maid and the brood mare and SHE becomes the ideal. After eight years of working for her, he finally realized she was using him to do HER job and he began looking for a new job. After two years of her BLACKLISTING him to keep him under her thumb, he managed to get a new job in another state. We had suffered through a bankruptcy because she cut his salary by almost half by the time he finally wised up and left, even though by ten years he was supposed to be making very close to six figures. The commute to this new job was long (we were close to the state border but still...) so this summer we moved closer to his job. The kids started new schools and we went from a two-story house to an apartment so he could be closer to the job. He SWORE he would stop working so much and spend time with his family, but it has been three months and he took that spare time saved from the commute and invested it back to the new job. And that's where we are now. He works constantly now, even on weekends. He swears his job demands it, but I don't see HIS bosses taking their jobs home. I have no friends here, and because we moved to an affluent town all the people look at you like you're dirt if you don't drive the right care or wear the right clothes, so I'm not likely to make any new friends. He suffers from depression, so I'm not allowed to complain, lest it send him into a depressive spiral. If I DO complain, he shuts down, refuses to talk to me for two hours, then pretends I never said anything in the first place. I'm always there telling him what a great employee he is, how he's doing a fantastic job where he works, because that's what he wants to hear. Being a great dad and husband doesn't really matter to him, though I've lied and told him that as well, just to get him to NOTICE he IS a dad and husband. He never believes me anyway; two minutes later he's swearing he's going to be fired any d ay because he's horrible, even though he gets glowing reviews. The other day he got angry with me (not at me, at somebody at work, but I got to hear about it) and yelled at me that I NEVER should have made him leave "Joanna". It felt like a dagger in my heart. He swears he never said it now and I just made that up because of my "insane jealousy". I don't know what to do. I can't leave! It's been ten years since I've worked. Even if I wanted to work I'm responsible for my son's education (he has to be home schooled because of learning issues the school wouldn't address.) I go from dusk to dawn keeping things together. I work twelve-hour days trying to keep up with everything at home and making up for the lack of a father. If I did go back to work all I'm qualified for now is a minimum wage job, and I can't support four kids on that! I love him, I truly do, but I can't take this anymore. What kind of role model am I presenting to my daughters? I'm a doormat! Sexual contact is down to once a month IF I'M LUCKY, and even then it's more of a chore than a delight because he doesn't involve me anymore. Five minutes, he's happy and to hell with me! He sought counseling once, but they didn't tell him what he wanted to hear and he quit. He's a good man, but he's clueless! He has no idea how much he hurts me. Does ANYONE out there have any advice for me? Right now the ONLY priority I have is the well-being of my four kids, and having a broken down mommy is NOT what's best for them! HELP!

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