Is this really a duck?

You know the saying. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...blah blah blah. Well...what do you think about this one? I've been with my girlfriend for about 8 months now...we live about an hour apart, both have kids full time (she has 3, I have 1), both work, and have busy lives. We fell for each other quickly and intensely and because my job allows, I spent a lot of the summer hanging out at her place (it's much harder for her to get away) and we've been away on holidays and had a lot of fun. We started having a few teething problems a few weeks ago...basically getting annoyed at each other for various things. And then, one day...I just noticed her cooling off. Things started to change...she was less affectionate, her texts were different in tone, she stopped saying I love you so much, stopped telling me she missed me (things she'd done so readily before). She also seemed permanently angry at me and I felt as though I was a general annoyance. Two weeks ago I called her out on it. She isn't a talker, whereas I am...she is pretty poor at expressing her feelings to anybody and finds it very hard to make herself known. I said that if she's having doubts she should talk to me about them and it's OK to even want to walk away (although I love her dearly)...she said that wasn't the case and that she wanted to be with me...just that her life has spiralled into a difficult one (she is not so long divorced, difficult ex husband, 3 kids, new house, demanding parents, full time job). She also said she felt we may have moved too fast in the beginning. I was OK with this and we agreed to maybe step off the gas a bit. Things didn't seem to improve though...the last two weeks she has been unresponsive (more than ever) and very moody with me. If I try to talk about it she brushes me off. Then, last weekend, I took her out for dinner...we had a lovely evening and she was very affectionate...I thought things were looking up. But when she went to work on Sunday morning I opened her computer to start doing some work myself... ...she'd left open a dating site account that she'd subscribed to only two days before. She had also sent ten e-mails to guys and crafted a very specific profile. I was horrified. When she got back...I confronted her about it. She said it was nothing and that it was just "something her and her friends do at work"...I struggled to believe that and we chatted again. She was crying and said that she's so depressed right now and her life sucks and she needs help. I asked what she would like to do about us...if she wants to date then she can...just not with me around. She said she didn't but felt so confused right now. So...I asked if she wanted space. She said she did...so I thought I'd try to give it to her...however, I didn't do a great job of that...sent her a text and called her again because the dating site thing was bugging me...I checked and she was still logging into it again and again?! So we talked last night...she was horribly cold on the phone...but still would not say that she wanted out when I asked her calmly...still said she was messed up in the head right now. I said that I'm happy to support her through this, to redress our boundaries and give her space for a while, but NOT if she's actively looking for other dates?! I said I'd prefer it if she took down the profile and asked if she could do that...her voice sounded so reluctant, icy and annoyed at that request...but she agreed. So we left it that I'd call her in a few days. Anyway, I have heard nothing from her at all...and she is still logging into the dating site. I'm at a loss as to what to do...it's torturous feeling like somebody wants to break up with you but will not actually say so. If she IS actually depressed, then I really want to be there for her and support her through this...if she's just using that as an excuse not to have to break up with me (although why she wouldn't just do it if she feels she wants to is beyond me) then I'd hate that. And the dating site thing is just disrespectful and hurtful...I didn't expect that of her. I am feeling angry, rejected, hurt, cheated and am in three minds...I either trust that she's depressed and support her through this (massively overlooking the dating site thing), dump her and move on (because that's what it feels like she's about to do), or just never contact her again until she contacts me (IF she ever does?!). I'm very confused and very hurt...and could use some perspective?

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